The Mommy Wars
I joined OD about 4 years ago, and I have never been one to get involved with the drama. This is pretty remarkable when you think about all the shit that goes on here.
2 years ago, when I became a mommy, I became shockingly aware of The Mommy Wars.
This great country of ours, with its freedom of speech has unleashed a whirlwind of opinions on the Internet. Many of us are under attack for the way we raise our children…
Whatever your parenting style, there is always going to be someone out there who has 10, 0000 reasons why what your doing is wrong.
I try not to get involved, mostly because I feel that I shouldn’t have to justify my decisions when it comes to my children. My boys are my world, everything I do for them is out of love and what I believe is for their best interest, so tell me, is that really reason enough to accuse and slander my name because my boys are circumcised?! One girl thought it was…
Like one of my faves said, "Life is a learning experience." Especially a life filled with children. We all want to give our child the very best, and we do so to the best of our knowledge. I give props to you, (you know who you are), who have educated yourself immensely before becoming a parent. You have one up on the most of us.
When I was pregnant with Zav, I followed advice from my mom, my doctor, my health nurse, and my friends, and it was about when he turned 4 months that I realized it was my own instinct I should be following. I didn’t have PPD but came close to it because I was so distraught that breastfeeding didn’t work for us. My beautiful baby boy didn’t want my breast, refused to latch on, even with a patient, gentle hand to guide him. The nurse was so quick to inform me that he needed to eat to settle, and that it was in our best interest to give him some formula. I cried for weeks, mourning the fact my son wanted an artificial nipple over me… I know now that it was Nipple Confusion, and not my fault. Had I been more knowledgeable I would have known my baby was not going to starve just a few hours out of my womb.
I have been successful this time around with Kai, and I firmly believe that breastfeeding is a little piece of heaven. Not only do I take comfort in the fact that I know I am giving my child the very best there is, but I take pride in his chubby little arms and thighs, and the dimples in his elbows, knowing my beautiful boy is healthy, and that is all because of me.
Because Zav was formula fed, that doesn’t make him any less of a child. He has been exceptionally healthy since he was just a fetus in my womb. He is very bright, happy, healthy little boy and I am grateful there is formula to give in circumstances as mine.
I would never condemn you for FEEDING your child, and I don’t understand people that do.
I’ve used disposables up until a week ago, for the sole reason I was never able to afford the start up fee for using cloth. We’re doing better financially now, and with the addictive personality I have, I am a certified junkie. The pros far outweigh the cons when it comes to cl
oth, but using disposables doesn’t make you a bad parent. As long as you’re keeping your baby clean and comfortable, what does it really matter?!
I vaccinate, I hold my baby every chance I get, I believe birth should be more natural and less clinical, but not so natural as to do it unassisted. For me that is too large of a risk to take, I know I wouldn’t be able to handle myself in a situation gone wrong, and I would never forgive myself if my child died. If that’s for you, okay. No problem. That may set us apart, but does not mean we can’t still be friends.
But if you want my respect, your reasons must be genuine. That your not just another lemming, jumping on the bandwagon because everyone else is doing it.
Our individual style that sets us apart is a godsend. I mean do you really think the world would be a better place if we were all cookie-cutter clones? I sure as hell wouldn’t.
So many of us moms, (myself included at times) are too quick to judge other moms. Parenting is not a competition to see who does it better. My mom did things a hell of a lot differently when I was growing up, that doesn’t mean she loved me any less.
So I co-sleep? So what! My baby’s circumcised, who cares? Is my son’s penis really any concern of yours?!
All of my mommy faves are unique in their own ways, and that makes me love and respect them even more. Though I may not always agree, I definitely learn things from all of you. You expose my mind to so many things, enabling me to grow as a person. We should be embracing each other for that, not condemning …
My parenting may be unethical at times, that doesn’t make it wrong. And it’s sad I feel I should keep to myself at times, not sharing too much for fear of being jumped on by others negativity.
Let’s end these ridiculous Mommy Wars, and get to know each other for who we really are, not just as moms, but as people.
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Hear hear! 😀
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Hear hear! 😀
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Amen! *hugs you* Mel
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Amen! *hugs you* Mel
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cheers. I absolutely agree.
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cheers. I absolutely agree.
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I give you a standing ovation. I have seen this happening even when I was a child with my brother and I. As long as the parent isn’t abusing the child and giving the child all the love they can and doing the best they can, than their fine each parent raises their child different.
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I give you a standing ovation. I have seen this happening even when I was a child with my brother and I. As long as the parent isn’t abusing the child and giving the child all the love they can and doing the best they can, than their fine each parent raises their child different.
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Been down this road amillion times. Every time something like this comes up I reedit an entry like this. There will always be the Mommy Cliques but atleast you can be one of the FEW to say they don’t pass judgment onto others for them doing the best for their children and for that you are one of the best moms out there!!!!
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Been down this road amillion times. Every time something like this comes up I reedit an entry like this. There will always be the Mommy Cliques but atleast you can be one of the FEW to say they don’t pass judgment onto others for them doing the best for their children and for that you are one of the best moms out there!!!!
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I don’t understand the Mommy Wars on OD. And I’m yet to have a child to become part of them. I just.. don’t understand it. I believe there are many perfectly adequate ways to raise a child, and as long as you’re looking out for them I dont see the need for some people to become such petty, erratic noters.
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I don’t understand the Mommy Wars on OD. And I’m yet to have a child to become part of them. I just.. don’t understand it. I believe there are many perfectly adequate ways to raise a child, and as long as you’re looking out for them I dont see the need for some people to become such petty, erratic noters.
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Nooooo, no more mommy wars! lol
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Nooooo, no more mommy wars! lol
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This is the best, most well-written entry I’ve ever read. The mommy wars are pitiful. I am all for having an opinion. But bashing other parents for how they do things is not up my alley. Thankfully, I have a list of faves just like you who have never once bashed me for formula feeding, disposable diapering, not co-sleeping, circumsizing, and vaccinating my kids. I’ve been very lucky that way. I look at groups of older children and there is no way I could tell who was fed how, or who wore cloth or disposables, etc…As long as the parents love, nourish, and nurture their children, they are going to be just fine. I haven’t killed any of my kids so far. LOL And I am positive that none of my diverse group of faves will kill any of theirs. 🙂 You rock, sister! xxox Oh, and BTW, I fell in love with cloth diapering because they were just so cute so I ordered some. Then I didn’t like it 🙁 I was bummed about that but what can ya do?
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This is the best, most well-written entry I’ve ever read. The mommy wars are pitiful. I am all for having an opinion. But bashing other parents for how they do things is not up my alley. Thankfully, I have a list of faves just like you who have never once bashed me for formula feeding, disposable diapering, not co-sleeping, circumsizing, and vaccinating my kids. I’ve been very lucky that way. I look at groups of older children and there is no way I could tell who was fed how, or who wore cloth or disposables, etc…As long as the parents love, nourish, and nurture their children, they are going to be just fine. I haven’t killed any of my kids so far. LOL And I am positive that none of my diverse group of faves will kill any of theirs. 🙂 You rock, sister! xxox Oh, and BTW, I fell in love with cloth diapering because they were just so cute so I ordered some. Then I didn’t like it 🙁 I was bummed about that but what can ya do?
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I agree 100%! *hugs*
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I agree 100%! *hugs*
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ugh. i hate how women think they have the right to discuss my son’s penis. they say we’re disgusting for having them circ’d but at least we’re not out there talking about other peoples’ children’s penises!! if some of the more militant moms would get off their high horses, we wouldn’t have these issues. bah.
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ugh. i hate how women think they have the right to discuss my son’s penis. they say we’re disgusting for having them circ’d but at least we’re not out there talking about other peoples’ children’s penises!! if some of the more militant moms would get off their high horses, we wouldn’t have these issues. bah.
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AMEN!!! Thank you!
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AMEN!!! Thank you!
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i think it’s pathetic. this whole competetition is retarded. i don’ even post on the boards for that reason alone.
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i think it’s pathetic. this whole competetition is retarded. i don’ even post on the boards for that reason alone.
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Beautiful entry mama! I agree with you 100% all of this needs to stop! We are all mommy’s and we should all be sticking together!
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Beautiful entry mama! I agree with you 100% all of this needs to stop! We are all mommy’s and we should all be sticking together!
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This is a great entry!
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This is a great entry!
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ryn: yeah, crochet thread is not something you want to start on…its tiny stiches for doileys and such.. Worsted weight yarn is like RED HEART yarn..(about $3? it’s not an expensive yarn…its good to start on) If you are starting start with a solid LIGHT color…Blank and deep browns are hard to see what you are doing…so i would segest starting with a light color. You can get worstedweight yarn at the dollar store too 🙂 here are some examples of different types of yarn: http://www.marymaxim.ca/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/category2_10003_50001_3074457345616686280_-1_Y hope that helps!! if you have any mre ?’s just ask away!
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ryn: yeah, crochet thread is not something you want to start on…its tiny stiches for doileys and such.. Worsted weight yarn is like RED HEART yarn..(about $3? it’s not an expensive yarn…its good to start on) If you are starting start with a solid LIGHT color…Blank and deep browns are hard to see what you are doing…so i would segest starting with a light color. You can get worstedweight yarn at the dollar store too 🙂 here are some examples of different types of yarn: http://www.marymaxim.ca/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/category2_10003_50001_3074457345616686280_-1_Y hope that helps!! if you have any mre ?’s just ask away!
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Hear hear!! (again) I have no direct mom imput… not for a while….not yet 😛
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Hear hear!! (again) I have no direct mom imput… not for a while….not yet 😛
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RANDOM NOTER* As a mother who was criticized for her decisions to not breastfeed (I wasn’t producing ANY milk…EVER) and to NOT vaccinate (after complications of autism in my oldest son after vaccinations), I applaud you for writing this entry. Each of us makes the decisions we make for the benefits of our children, what we believe is the best choice for THEM. My choice has nothing to do with
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RANDOM NOTER* As a mother who was criticized for her decisions to not breastfeed (I wasn’t producing ANY milk…EVER) and to NOT vaccinate (after complications of autism in my oldest son after vaccinations), I applaud you for writing this entry. Each of us makes the decisions we make for the benefits of our children, what we believe is the best choice for THEM. My choice has nothing to do with
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what is “popular”, but rather what will benefit my child the most. I applaud you for being a part of the Mommy ANTI-wars.
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what is “popular”, but rather what will benefit my child the most. I applaud you for being a part of the Mommy ANTI-wars.
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*agrees* we could get so much more accomplished if we co-operated. great entry.
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*agrees* we could get so much more accomplished if we co-operated. great entry.
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wow! soo beautifully put!!
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wow! soo beautifully put!!
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I am not a mother but this is very well stated and thought out. You are right, life is about learning. What bugs me most is that SOME mothers think that just they are mothers to one or more, they are mothers to everyone. Come on!! These so called Wars on OD, whether it is Note Wars, Teen Wars or Momma Wars… it’s childish. I mean seriously those who start these things have too much timeon their hands. No need to explain yourself for what you write in your diary. If people don’t like it, don’t read it! But you my friend, deserve and OD award for a well written entry on this issue!!
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I am not a mother but this is very well stated and thought out. You are right, life is about learning. What bugs me most is that SOME mothers think that just they are mothers to one or more, they are mothers to everyone. Come on!! These so called Wars on OD, whether it is Note Wars, Teen Wars or Momma Wars… it’s childish. I mean seriously those who start these things have too much timeon their hands. No need to explain yourself for what you write in your diary. If people don’t like it, don’t read it! But you my friend, deserve and OD award for a well written entry on this issue!!
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This is very well written. 🙂 I applaud you. You’ve managed to eloquently “lay it out” in a non-judgmental, firm way that I respect. Good for you!
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This is very well written. 🙂 I applaud you. You’ve managed to eloquently “lay it out” in a non-judgmental, firm way that I respect. Good for you!
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Amen sister!
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Amen sister!
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Well said. In a way it’s sad that we have to actually say “lets stop the silly “mommy wars”” though…and say, didn’t I say “life is a learning experience”…it sounds like something I’ve said in the past! *haha* I don’t even get involved–in fact, the moms that get involved are not anyone that I read…the few that get thrown in aren’t the ones who start but rather write entries like thisand I don’t mind that! 🙂
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Well said. In a way it’s sad that we have to actually say “lets stop the silly “mommy wars”” though…and say, didn’t I say “life is a learning experience”…it sounds like something I’ve said in the past! *haha* I don’t even get involved–in fact, the moms that get involved are not anyone that I read…the few that get thrown in aren’t the ones who start but rather write entries like thisand I don’t mind that! 🙂
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You make a ton of sense. We’re all in this together, so it would behoove us to give each other a hand.
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You make a ton of sense. We’re all in this together, so it would behoove us to give each other a hand.
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Oh goodness, I thought I commented on this entry on here. Anywho, congrats on RC on both OD and Bloop. This entry really deserved it, though I don’t know too much about the “Mommy Wars” on OD. I just started here. 😀
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Oh goodness, I thought I commented on this entry on here. Anywho, congrats on RC on both OD and Bloop. This entry really deserved it, though I don’t know too much about the “Mommy Wars” on OD. I just started here. 😀
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*Random* Well Said 😀
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*Random* Well Said 😀
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**Smiles** Thank you so very much for your note. I changed the font so now I hope you’ll enjoy it even more. I’ll keep writing.
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**Smiles** Thank you so very much for your note. I changed the font so now I hope you’ll enjoy it even more. I’ll keep writing.
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*applauds* I agree 100% Sash!
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*applauds* I agree 100% Sash!
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I am currently studying to be a librarian. Not a really self proclaimed job but, I love books none the less.
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I am currently studying to be a librarian. Not a really self proclaimed job but, I love books none the less.
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Thank you for stating about formula. I agree breast is best and with my daughter was not successful, I felt like a failure which lead to PPD. I get tired of hearing FF babies are fatter, lower IQ’s, not as healthy, get sicker then BF babies. That’s a real insult to a lot smart people out there. It makes my blood boil. As for birth, I agree. But that’s not for me. I’m in high risk, very high risk. I need to be carefully watched. (If you want to know why feel free to ask) I hate hearing REAL women do birth unassisted. That’s just too wrong to even comment on.
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Thank you for stating about formula. I agree breast is best and with my daughter was not successful, I felt like a failure which lead to PPD. I get tired of hearing FF babies are fatter, lower IQ’s, not as healthy, get sicker then BF babies. That’s a real insult to a lot smart people out there. It makes my blood boil. As for birth, I agree. But that’s not for me. I’m in high risk, very high risk. I need to be carefully watched. (If you want to know why feel free to ask) I hate hearing REAL women do birth unassisted. That’s just too wrong to even comment on.
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And I’m pro VAX. I don’t believe a word these anti-vax people stat on OD. Just because they’ve done some reading, doesn’t mean the know everything. Who knows where they got their facts from? So many diaries like that, I’m sure you know who I mean, no names needed. (Not directed at Maysa I respect her but ones who try and be like her) If you want names, I’m feeling bitchy enough to share! LOL.
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And I’m pro VAX. I don’t believe a word these anti-vax people stat on OD. Just because they’ve done some reading, doesn’t mean the know everything. Who knows where they got their facts from? So many diaries like that, I’m sure you know who I mean, no names needed. (Not directed at Maysa I respect her but ones who try and be like her) If you want names, I’m feeling bitchy enough to share! LOL.
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Agreed!!
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Agreed!!
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