Paranoid Much ??

I dont think i can live in this town by myself. Im fine during the day but at night im soo scared. Every little noise hear i think its Kris outside watching me. The dogs are constantly barking like someone is hanging around outside.Im hoping this passes when i get use to being alone.

Ive been talking to Kris sister alot latly an she seems to think that i should go through with the mediation. I was talking to mum about it today an she said its there problem let them fix it since they are the ones that decided to lie to him an tell him that i had moved towns. Mums right it wasnt my idea to pack up an leave cause he was throwing a tantrum over some shit. I know that he threatend to slit my throat an i was scared but i shouldnt have to run away like that everytime he throws one of his tantrums. I also shouldnt have to be scared to go to the shop incase hes there an sees im back in town. I should be able to live my life like a normal person. Not worrying that hes going to see me.

So i offically dont really care if he knows im here or not. At least when i seen him an i knew everything was alright i wasnt really worried about him coming around here in a bad mood  cause i knew he wouldnt. I also knew i could go to the shop an it didnt really matter if i run into him or not. Where as now if i run into him an he thinks im living in another town an im not im here hes going to go physco about it. Because i havent been letting him see his daughter blah blah blah.

I was happy doing the sunday visits. Yea i was stressed cause of his i love you an want to be with you an his empty threats but i could handle that. Id prefer to do things that way any day compared to living the way i have to now. I pretty much cant really go anywhere unless im terrifyed im going to run into him. Im also upset that Novalee has to miss out on spending time with her cousins an grandparents because of this. Kris sister was saying the otherday that the kids miss her so much an keep asking about her an saying they want to see her. But they couldnt come round incase the older kids let it slip to Kris that they seen Novalee. So the whole sittuation is crap for everyone really.

But telling him also has its bad points. If he knows im here an still not going around on sundays which i wont be doing anymore then all hell is going to break loose. Soo yea what to do what to do. Anyways

Its soo hot today. Its been raining abit but still soo humid. Hopefully it cools down cause its soo yuck lol. Ohh im soo tired Novalee woke up at 3am this morning an wouldnt go back to sleep. I was soo happy not lol Its times like them when ya need a man around the house lol. Id love to say hey can you watch Novalee for a bit im going to have a sleep lol ohhh i can just imagine lol . Life would be soo easy lol . I can dream lol

The toothache has eased off thank god. It will prolly start up again since i mentioned that it stopped lol . Anyway i should go an start dinner its a bit early but yea ill just get it ready so i dont have to do it later lol.

Thats all

Bekky xox