News and Stuff Going On

Okay, a couple of stories on the T front, and some news items.  Really long entry, so if you make it to the end, thanks.  😉

Story 1) About 3 weeks ago, we were going thru annual reviews at work.  No problems there, although the past summer hasn’t been my most productive (lots of reasons). Sigh.  I’m in a part of the company where we end up working for the other parts of the company – we’re sort of the hired guns – specialists that the other projects hire.  So my immediate supervisor is not my project lead.  Confusing sometimes, but it’s okay.

Anyway, so, I’m having lunch with S, and we’re having a great time, and I decided that I’d tell her I’m trans.  And she takes it wonderfully.  Says things like “doesn’t matter to me, I see gender as a spectrum anyway”.  We talk about stuff – I know that the company has been good to trans folk in the past, and probably at least 6 or so have transitioned and stayed on the job.  I had heard that maybe HR wanted folks to switch departments when they transitioned, and S called HR for us, kept me anonymous, and found out that that is not the case.  They are perfectly happy to let me stay in the same dept., and S really doesn’t want to lose me, which I think is great. 

The benefit there is that the folks in our dept already know me, know what I can do for them, know to come to me for certain skills.  Plus, I’m pretty well known across wide parts of the company anyway, so it’s not like I could move to a new department and that they wouldn’t know.  Anyplace they’d move me would already know me, so it would be silly.

So, that’s great.  One hurdle partially done.

Story 2) My ex, E, (the kids’ mother) requested a session with my daughter’s (K) therapist.  K doesn’t see the therapist anymore, since K has returned to college about 2 hours away.  Anyway, E wanted a session with me to get more coordinated on how we’re dealing with K and her health problems (back entries on that over the summer). 

Anyway, we had a pretty good session with the therapist, some compromises were agreed to, and E and I continued to talk after the session before leaving.  We’re briefly talking about my son and his future college (he’s 4 years behind his sister), and, because we have evidence that E’s house is in serious debt, I asked her whether she’d be able to handle their share of his college.  She says yes, and then out of the blue asks whether my transition would impact my financial status.

?!?!?!?  “my transition”  ?!?!?!?   We thought the other house (E and her husband) didn’t know. (Deep background:  E knew I was trans before we got married in ’84.  I had even discussed transitioning way back then.  Had a really crappy therapist and got talked out of it.  Then the gender stuff came on strong around ’94, along with depression, and I almost transitioned then, which was a major factor, although by no means the only one, or even the driving factor in hindsight, of our divorce).  Well, apparently E figured it out, or made a good guess.

I decided to side-step the question there on the sidewalk in front of the doctor’s office.  Later that day, I invited her to another discussion the next nite.  I told her yeah, I was transitioning, probably next summer.  She took it well.  I found out later that she and her husband may have been tipped off in a checkup meeting with my son’s therapist (if so, this represents a huge breech of confidentiality on the doc’s part – I’m going talk with him about that on Monday.  He could be in deep doo-doo.).  Anyway, they seem cool with it.  In some sense, I think E can be less mad with me about divorcing her if I go ahead and transition – I think she was p.o’ed that I could be “normal” with Sweety when I couldn’t be normal with her.  Bitch.  Anyway…

So, now the other house knows, and parts of work know.  I did not expect this to happen now, but it seems to be working out just fine.

Another trans issue:  Sweety and I discussed schedule and stuff.  It was emotional on both sides – I had not been open enough with her, and that hurt her.  I need to be better on that front.  Anyway, we’ve come to this conclusion:

We tell the kids in mid-July, which is after the big summer fencing tournament.  We can avoid ruining son’s big tournament with this seriously distracting issue.  Then I’ll have the facial feminization plastic surgery in August.  This gives the kids a month to process the idea, which may or may not be long enough.  We’re both hoping they take it well, we have no idea how much they might know or be guessing at this point.  Anyway, Sweety has most of August off from school, she can help with recovery and play nurse for a few days (“hey, baby, want to play nurse and doctor?”)

Okay, on to “News” items:

News Item 1:  We’re going to a wedding today!!  Two of our trans friends are getting hitched.  Legally, in Virginia.  How is this possible?  Heh heh heh.   Okay, one has fully transitioned, all the surgeries (MtF), and the other one is only partially transitioned (also MtF).  So, legally, one is F, the other is still M.  But they bo

th look like girls.  So, they waltz into the county clerk’s office and say “we want to get married!”

The clerk asks, “great, which of you are getting married?”

They answer, “Both of us!”

“And who are you marrying?”  (assuming the lucky guys just aren’t around)

“Each other!”.

Pause.  The clerk is wondering what’s up, and whether he has to fight a couple of women who think this is Massachusetts or California.

So, they both whip out the driver’s licenses and plop them on the counter – one reads “F”, the other reads “M”.  The clerk picks them up, looks at them, and says “Well, okay then!” and hands over all the forms.

Is that cool or what?  One of the ways around the bans on same-sex marriages.  The hard way.

Anyway, they’re getting married in a dual-bride ceremony today, party to follow, we’ll be out most of the evening.

News Item 2:  Two of our dear friends, J & L, (both women) made the trek up to Massachusetts last month and got hitched.  And, since most of us couldn’t travel up to MA with them, the reception party is at their house this Friday (Halloween, and yes, we have to come in costume), and I stupidly volunteered to help with food.  So I’ve got a ton of cooking to do prior to Friday, and we have to get over there early on Friday to help with the decorations. 

News Item 3:  And, I’m working as a private chef!! Sort of.  Actually, yes, not sort of.  J (same J as from Item 2 above) was concerned that her 73-yo mother wasn’t eating well, since mom didn’t cook much anymore.  So, J asked whether I’d be interested in cooking dinners for them.  It’s worked out, so I’m sending dinner over every week for them, and getting paid.  I cook 2-3 dishes, pack up a couple of servings each, and mom and dad get dinner 4 nites a week (about 8 servings a week).  We send them over individually packed and frozen.
This is a great chance for me to work on cooking skills, as well as setting up and dealing with business issues.  

So, this keeps me reasonably busy on weekends now, we ship food off on Mondays when Sweety goes to school (J is a classmate in acupuncture school, so they do the food transfer there and then J takes it to her folks).  It’s a lot of stuff going on, it keeps us busy.  

Tried out some new recipes lately, but that’ll have to be another entry.  I’ve occupied quite enough of your time.  If you’ve made it this far, thanks, you’re a good friend.

Talk to y’all soon.  Will give a report on the wedding in the next day or so.
Hugs
-Jude