Why Does it Haunt You So?

I know he got angry when I told him to give up, that the fight wasn’t worth it. I know he thought I was trying to take something away from him, or somehow avoid conflict. It scared me to see him so angry at the world like that…it always scares me when he gets angry.

Later on that evening, after his epiphany…I felt more at peace than I have in a while, even though it was him that found it. My last few entries screamed out in my head, and maybe some of it seeped into his…don’t sweat the small stuff. It isn’t worth it. When he hugged me after his quiet contemplation I knew that things on his shelves had settled…and that he had finally picked them up and dusted beneath them. With a quick exhale all the dust went back up into the air to land on someone else’s shelves…but it won’t be ours.

And something as simple as watching the Game Show Network put our lives into perspective, and for that one half hour we were blissfully happy. We were free.

Whether it’s 5 minutes, a half hour, a month, or a quarter mile…we all live our lives in incraments. We have our ups, and the downs, if you look closely you’ll notice a pattern…a timeline. Is it destiny?

No…just nature…

Inspiration calls me back to these pages. Rest assured, I don’t write unless I usually have something to say. And as I’ve been pulling away more and more I am beginning to see the things that truly matter, simply by reading all of you…

Take a moment and forget the notes, forget to check back every five minutes to see if someone loves you or not…and just go read. Whether it’s your favorites or random beings somewhere in the midst of mistaken identities…go find out what they have to say…a glimpse. This is my life. That one is hers…the other his. Feel how important it must have been for them to record those thoughts, fears…obsessions, confessions.

And finally…bring yourself to a realization. Become the better man. Let your problems drift until you realize that there are much bigger things in life than you…and if you want to change them, do it. But if you don’t, accept it…and become happy. It’s hard to convey, and harder to find…but I truly hope all of you do…because once you have…

…work is easy…love is easy…money is easy…parents…school…friends…enemies…lust is easy…

…you’re free…

sometimes i do, but often forget what my first thought was by the end of the entry, which is exactly what happened here

how so?

Christopher_3

March 13, 2002

RYN: Yes, in roughly 1000 notes, 6 might be from men, and all my regular readers are women. I must admit I do like that in a way, but it still hasn’t brought me one. (lol) It was nice to see someone else put an entry like this that I could read. And I noticed you never left a question 🙁 I hope we collect on the lunch together soon. Take care.

I’ve been around…I just forgot to leave my name and number…I tend to drift like that from time to time…like today I’m telling eveyone…tomorrow I may just close up…but I will always be around…Just look in the back ground…I’m there…

Thank you for all your kind words. I’m glad you can get something out of what I put out. At least i know that I’m not alone.

still enjoying your stories. I got the piercing today, man, what a pain in the uhhhhhhh, ahem!!! Hope you’re doing well.

RYN: LOL! Yep I’m a real whore. I just wish I got to enjoy it 😉 Can you believe it, your last note brought me up to 1016 in 102 entries? I hadn’t really thought about it until I had read your earlier note. Yep, i am a note stud! And you are so loved. I love you. Take care.

Absolutely beautiful. I liked your note, too. 🙂

...Raven Phoenix

“…and in that ten seconds or less…I’m free……”

Satori@fishbowl

“get busy living, or get busy dying…” and remember to dance like nobody is watching. I love you so much…

Oh2bd@mnd

March 14, 2002

ahhh too be free..even for a little while..a wonderful feeling if you can get there..miss ya hun….*kisses*

HEY! U SOUND REALLY DEEP SO I’M NOT GOING TO ATTEMPT TO READ UR DIARY B/C I WON’T UNDERSTAND CAUSE I’M NOT VERY DEEP, BUT U SOUND LIKE AN INTERESTING PERSON. BYE!

Violent Blue

nice advice

Damn right lust is easy! Psst…hey, wanna get together for lunch? 🙂 Have a great weekend babe!

If some people are more “free” than others, then “freedom” is undefined enough to be ultimately meaningless. If some people have vastly different consequences to the same basic actions, then some are “more” “free” than others. Sorry, kid. The only freedom is “existential” freedom, and that’s no free ride.

ps: when a tiger is on the cliff above me, and another one on the plain below, and my vine starts to break, that strawberry growing on the rocky ledge will be the best one I’ve ever tasted!

Jersey…about the “kid” appellation in my earlier note…you’re absolutely right, I apologize. I arrogated an informality in the note that could only be constructed in context as unintentionally dismissive, a tone I by no means wished to assume. Distinctly sloppy and inconsiderate of me, and I’m sorry.

In terms of my thoughts on “freedom”, I more or less hold my ground. It’s disgusting to me that a rich old WASP guy essentially has less consequences to his actions than, say, an Afghan woman, and I’m confronting that reality rather than celebrating it. The degree to which “freedom” is a buzzword annoys me. Didja ever read “The Wall”, by Sartre? Good story about consequences.

March 20, 2002

Thinking about you, miss you. Thanks for the email 🙂 Take care.

I just re-read your entry, and it actually gave me tingles…

I am really confused about the note you left me…

i’m wondering how you came to the conclusion that my boyfriend is still in love with someone else, i assure you that i am the only girlie in his life, and the only one that he loves. he would tell you the same thing, with total honesty…just wanted to clear that up.

you move me