Worst…medical…treatment…ever

So I went to the doctor and I was like, Hey!  Whats this here thing on my hand.  And he was like, swear to god, "Huh?  …Yea, I dont know, thats weird."  And I was like well thank you for the diagnosis all my pothead friends have given me. 

"And now here’s a man who says hes a real poth ead….no, pot head."

More Simpsons, "Wow, this dude is seriously ill."

"My doctor never told me that.  I had to hear it from Phish."

So he goes on with, Anyting else wrong with ya?  It looks like your heart rate is up pretty high.

Yes, I proclaim, I am stressed like a motha these days.  Which I am, but I figured maybe he’d be like, "Nurse!  Valium!  Stat!"  And the fucker offers me Zoloft.  Just like that.  How weird.  Just oh stress?  Try this here psychoactive drug that may or may not cause brain tumors long term.   What a fuckin drug whore this fella was.  I was waiting for some guy to walk in in the middle of this diagnosis and be like "Hello Im doctor Joh….Hey!  who are you?"  And then having the fella I was talking to jump through the window.  So I figured Ill take it and see what happens. 

Interestingly, I read that the reason suicide rates are so high among people who take Zoloft is because it might give depressed people enough motivation to actually kill themselves.  Irony is a strange mistress.  Strange strange.  Strange.  And I was thinkin I always wanted to be able to move stuff with my mind but Ive never been motivated enough to learn.  So this might help me be able to do that. 

And have ya ever seen the logo?  Its like this depressed egg lookin thing and hes sad and it rains on him and then he takes zoloft and hes smilin and the rain goes away.  Thats just…thats neat.  Weather modification.  Word.  And I like eggs. 

Im just so curious though to see what this stuff does.