Meatloaf

The meat…the man.  Meat the man!  OH SNAP!  Thatda been a good title for a Meatloaf album.  

Ha!  "Gina, before we get any closer, I need to tell you…I think girls are icky-pants."

See me hyphenate back there?  Didnt have to do it.  But thats the kinda attention my fancy-pants job has instilled in me.  You needlessly hyphenate shit and people are like DAMN, that kid knows what hes talking about.  Thats my gift to you, the reader, hyphenate.  But ya cant be all willy nilly about it.  Ya gotta be selective with it.  Moderation, secret to all things.  Except for a-lot of things I suppose.  See!  That back there was a test.  Thats a case of too much hyphenation.  Someone reads that and they think you have a small penis cause youre trying to hard.  Too hard fella!  They would scream. 

My mom just told me that some lady insured a ring for 30k and then said she lost it and then went on with some story I didnt care about so I cut her off and confirmed with her that if you insure a ring for 30K and then just say you lost it…theyll friggin give you 30k.  (You should also use K’s instead of putting in extra zeros cause it makes it look like youre too busy to push a button 2 more times and that youre constantly dealing with things that are worth thousands.  K’s?  Theyll say.  "He knows the score."  Theyll scream.  "Hes on the trolley."  Theyll reiterate.)   

So if I took out a loan for 30K…hmmmm…no…well with one initial 30K investment I could double my money.  Kind of.  Well more like get a ring for free.  But I dont really want a ring.  And you cant really lose a pool table.  Damn insurance companies.  They are a crafty sort.  See this is why it helps if to talk things out and if anyone ever tells you it doesnt, you just punch in their fatty fat heads.  Thats also the kinda stuff Ive learned at my fancy-pants job.  Every once and awhile, just punch someone in the head.  And call em fatty.  If you find yourself something that commands more respect then that…then I can no longer teach you.  I am then your padawan.  Ohhhhhh so much fraud I want to commit but who has the time.   Thats the moral I suppose. 

Actually I was sitting at my computer and looking down at my purple and white striped pants that Ive been putting on at night for about 2 weeks without washing them and seeing beer stains, and cigarette ash stains and coffee stains and just stains and thought I should write about that.  But look at the bonus material everybody got.