My cock is much bigger than yours

Man Im bored.  I need a book to read.  I bought an air purifier though.  That helps.  Its got HEPA ya know.  Which probably stands for something cause its in all caps.  Cant really go wrong with something thats in caps.  Thats always kinda been my philosophy.  I might go to New Jersey to cheat on my girlfriend with this girl I work with cause I may be goin to NY for bidness bitches…Oh yea….Im just that important.  But Im not really sure if thats what Jesus would do.  So I asked him, Im like Jesus, ya know, same scenario, what would you do?   

And he was like "yo holmes listen, shit happens right?  I mean…I had this like rock once when I was a kid that I used to play with, and someone took it this one time.  And I was like dude!  Gimme back my rock.  And he totally didnt.  Man it SUCKED!  Mellow….mellow…..mellow."
 

It went on like that for about another hour. Then we played fooseball.  I guess the moral is Jesus is good at fooseball, cause shit we played like 10 games, and he won 7. 
 

But he was cool about it ya know?  He wasnt all braggy er anything.  And I think thats a big reason why people follow him. Hes a good guy. But everything with him is hey watch me turn this into that.  Like he turned my alram clock into a chicken. Which at first was really cool like dude you so did not just do that!  I got a chicken Im gonna call him Gary!   But now Gary eats all my grain and I cant wake up on time.  So its like well thanks dick.  Theres feathers everywhere.  Hes means well I guess is where Im going with this.  Tonto Hanta.  He told me thats Jesus for "The End and go away."  Fickle mistress that jesus.