January 5, 2005

Previous: Holidaaay! Celebraaate! Holidaaay!

I’m insightful, I should have a column

Ya know what makes me happy? Ashlee Simpson getting booed at the Orange Bowl by 72000 people. And its not that I like to see people fail. Ive pretty much waged a war on anything pop. Which saying that, coming from me now, means nothing. But coming from me when I get a TV show = “god DAMN hes cool. We should vote him into the senate.” And then Ill become a senator in a land slide victory over the incumbent, and grow rich off of kickbacks, slush funds, creating life long ties to the Japanese mafia, and becoming a special interest whore.

“Sir, the head of the Citizens for putting retarded children in zoos is on the phone.”

“What? I am sickened even hearing that organizations name.”

“He wants to donate $180,000 to your campai…”

“Put him through.”

Several speeches, a groundbreaking ceremony for a new zoo in Dallas, a couple of envelopes stuffed with cash shoved under the door of a bathroom stall at an Olive Garden while the Yakuza I called in a favor for kill my 4th grade teacher later, and I return to my 4.3 million dollar home knowing….that I made a difference.

So I guess my point is that American democracy has made “democracy” and “captilism” interchangable. So it’s only natraul that American politicains would use their office to make the most money they can for themselves like any true capatilist should.

…No wait that wasnt my point. My point is Ashlee Simpson? Come fuckin on. I mean its one thing if you have no talent and youre hot. Like Anna Kournikova. Ask me how many tennis championships shes won. The answer is I dont give a fuck. If shes on ESPN moaning UH! AH! everytime she hits the ball, I’ll be watching that. Ashlee Simpson, not an attractive girl with no talent. I know a shitload of those already and hearing that they are making money for not being attractive and not having any talent angers me. So much so that if I was a volcano on a small remote island and the indigenous tribes were really into Ashlee Simpson, they better do a lot of dancing to appease me.

Czarina

January 6, 2005

dude, f*ck the senate, you should be like…czar. yeah man, czar. or quentin tarantino, cause who needs government when you can have assloads of assasins under your command you know?

dancing in plastic

Ashlee Simpson told me that she wanted to do you. I think you just destroyed all her hopes and dreams. Do I get to tell her?

vndttrd

YOU SLORE! kiss me you fool. no not you…you *points behind you* HA yes. of course i should be listening to beck. ya know why? cause i wanna defy the logic of all sexx laws. SLUT! yeah i put you in some of my entries merely to keep you interested cause you dont care about anythin unless it involves you. was that a burn or not? i…i…i… ~ heather

Starlight Unicorn

I’d vote for you.

wait til the Organization for Making Ashlee Simpson First lady of excellence calls you up and wants to give your campaign some monies. you’ll be begging to hit that sh!t

mesohippus

^that was from me and by the way, this is your column

just blame it on acid reflux…..

Sad Angel

January 9, 2005

Stoone

January 12, 2005

fun fun. OH MY GOD! me and my aunt and her friends had a whole dance that went to the Barbie Song. oh so kick arse

Ophelia's Demise

January 15, 2005

ow my brain hurts. to quote this chick on “joan of arcadia” “I’m still pissed off about the election” why? cause they don’t give ya anybody worth voting for. Wait…I’m not registered. ryn: Can’t have kids, hence the lack of names. As to the cheese….how could you forget? My boi kicked my ass at the cheese game. I now bow to him as the cheese god.

January 17, 2005

ANNDY OH ANNDY WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN thought you might be gettin lonely thats all MONKEYS ~ heather

January 18, 2005

ryn- …the bitchinest writer anyone that big town did see?

slut i have a bf named Sergio i hate you for knowing my secrets get yourself some chipotle slut!

January 19, 2005

run – I know that coming online without the prospect of talking to me is like going to disney world without the prospect of… well… fun, but that doesn’t mean I should have to succumb to your every beck and call. Not to mention, I did talk to you, but I was a bitch. Therefore: I win.

im working on it slow down calm down chiiiiilll ~ heather

ryn – I’m not totally sure what Beck has to do with anything but, yes, you totally called that shit.

January 21, 2005

ryn- ooohhhh… okay that makes sense… bad joke, but i get it now.

haru urara

April 17, 2005

one word yakuza