The price is always right

So the other night at like 5 am we were sleeping and I had a dream that Erin asked me for the beer. So, no longer sleepin I reached over, grabbed the beer, reached my arm back over my shoulder, and handed her the beer. Cept she never asked for it and was sleepin. So it dropped on the bed.

Then thourouly awake by the cold beer all over the bed, “MOTHERFUCKER!! GOD DAMNIT ERIN!”

“WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT’D YOU DO, ITS ALL WET!”

…..Get up! *Rip the blanket out from under her* …….NO MORE BEER FOR YOU!

Then I went back to sleep.

Meh. Yuuuuuuuup. I wish I could win somethin on the Price is Right that I had no use for. See a lotta weiners on that show there all smiles thinkin there gonna get the car but they wont…sad fact a life man….you just aint gettin that car. Come on that show thinkin yer gonna get somethin ya can love and show off that ya couldnt normally afford. Life like playin Sims, ya can never afford the hot tub and while youre busy makin friends you pee yourself.

So anyways, all smiles, applaudin enthusiastically to “You could win this!….” Then the clapping and smiles are forced with “A neeeeeeeeeew outdoor fireplace!” THatd be the greatest though. Winnin something you have no use for that you have to make use for. Life hands ya lemons, ya make lemonade, life hands you an outdoor fireplace, throw it in the backyard and like worship it. Just gather a couple friends, drink and chant around it. If it rains everybody punch someone for angering it and tell him to leave offerings of Oreos so itll be appeased. Make up pamphlets and distribute them door to door to give people the good news!  Amen. Then just have someone hold a camera, tape it all, sell it to the National Geographic channel as a documentary of a tribe in Bornio. Cause there saps man, theyll buy anythin. I saw one documentary on there about the Kiahogi Indian tribe. It was just some fat guy in his recliner watchin bowling. THats all the guy did was just sit there. Eventually the narrarator just ran outta shit to say.

“The Kiahogi are a restful people…..here we see of course a tribesman wearin the ceremonial garb of a stained tank top and slippers…..big resters…. *ring*…*foot steps* Hello…..Steeeeeeeeeevie! Big Steve! Whats crackin. Werd….werd….Might swing by Dave’s plac….”

“Honey did you mail the Visa bill?”

“GOD!……DAMNIT!!!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO BOTHER ME WHEN IM WORKING!”

Anyways the point is, I took a negative and made it a positive. Which is why Im an opptomist and your mothers a whore.