Whores on Fives

Man are you ever sittin around, just eatin butterfingers from Easter anddrinkin beer while listenin to Tenacious D and readin somethin on the internet about the dangers of poultry and then you see that theres a lotta empty beer cans around you, and ya pause fer a minute and then think, Im kinda drunk, and think man poultry is interstin yo?

This is like a choose yer own adventure book.

If you said yes turn to page 185 (allright now ya gotta make a noise like yer flippin through pages and then you gotta pretend yer mom asked you why you werent there yet to help her with somethin, she asked ya 20 minutes ago, and ya gotta scream look bitch Ill fuckin be right there God Damn! Get off my nuts old lady, jesus.)

Page 185: You read yet another article on poultry and decide its not that interestin. You then shove yer cat down with yer foot and think, man why does she just come right back.

If you said no, turn to page 37 (k now ya gotta make page flippin noises, but not for as long, and then ya gotta glance at the tv and Claire Huxtable is dancin and think about masturbatin fer a minute) You start to think about eatin more butterfingers and then ya think man Tenacious D rules and then you have an epiphany that articles on poultry, pictures of poultry, anything poultry related is the most interesting subject yove ever heard of.

“WHY DONT THEY OFFER CLASSES ON POULTRY!?” You scream. “Cause thats the last fuckin thing the man would want,” you answer to yerself. Then you shove the cat down with yer foot and wonder why she keeps coming back. You then decide to listen to Beck and get another beer.

Welcome to my world man….welcome to my world. Bam once yer inside my head baby……there just aint no turnin back.

meh, I’m a vegetarian now. http://www.hsus.org/ace/11505

and cats are the devil. drown the lil f8ckers at birth, I say. speed bumps, I call the stray ones. and then I run them over and rid the world of one more stupid idiot cat.

Sad Angel

June 9, 2004

you were watchin BIG wherent you?

pity for what? the loss of your old, whiny self? aw hell no. it was admiration. all kiddin aside. shaddap.

vndttrd

June 10, 2004

yeah i could be your speech writer. i could be like “mr dictator *yeah i like that too* the people are sayin that the funny hat day will cause a revolt i say that you instead make them all line up outside your house and have them all worship your smooth stealth ninja ass here i have your speech all prepared and yes you get to unleash the killer monkeys at the end” oh it’s a bright day~ heather

AHHH one more week biotch! It’ll be my birthday! it’s on next wednesday. wish me a happy birthday or else! Mwah

I’d say ‘thanks’ but it’d piss you off….sooo… pfff, no shit.

(‘no shit’ I’m the madd talented, that is. I wasn’t just referring to my recurring constipation problems)

your motherf8ckin 67 degree wind chill and your stupid cold summer thunderstorms. dumb butt. wait. I seem to remember something about thunderstorms and goin out to buy milk and havin sex in a motel parkin lot? was…was that you? man. good times.

Stoone

June 13, 2004

anndy…i feel sick. give me some mints. and drunk people aren’t funny anymore. they get boring pretty quick. oh hello. AH MY EYES, YOUR COLORS, MY EYES!!!!!!!!! holy sh!t. 🙂 i win. and…i’m back. maine sucks. don’t ever go there. but the chicks are hot… ??? what am i doin drinkin low carb bacardi? it tastes like friggin diet coke. wtf???????????

you! dummy. you complimented me like a week or two ago, or whenever that was…I said thank you, you said don’t say thank you; that’s not really what we’re abou blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I wanna be an astronaut, but without having to major in physics or any kinda science or math. Hmm.

June 14, 2004

hey! i wrote you a poem you pisshead, so go read it. it’s really for you. so… be happy, frolic, and don’t laugh at me. 🙂

*shifts eyes* I… I… I loved your gift…it made me feel uber better…

awww, baby. I’d never muse anybody but you. And Sean Patrick Flanery. simple rain inspired that one. nottttttttttt that you care, goldilocks.