Go Panthers…meeeeeeeow…IM A KITTY, MEOW!

So my tire blew…ya know. And then outta nowhere my girlfreinds mom buys me a tire. Never asked her, Ive only even talked to her like twice so I wrote her this here thank ya note. And I fuckin hate charity. So the only reason I took it was just cause I like had to until I get my next check and I couldnt wait that long. Anyways I think what makes the note so…Damn Im a pretty fella…so funny is that I dont know her at all. So I dont know how shell take it, cause she might just think Im friggin nuts, which Im cool with cause I mean rawr yo I am friggin nuts. Wild like a savage. Like a pet lion that might one day just snap and chew yer arm off and then pee on ya fer no good reason.

I appreciate your selfless act of buying me a tire. Even offering to buy a tire for someone you dont know very well is incredibly kind. For all you know this could be my thing. I could move on from girlfriend to girlfriend, staying just long enough to have their mothers buy me various auto parts, from serpentine belts to novelty dice.

Im sure thats been going through your mind and I want to assure you that that is just not the case. No…no ma’am.

I was trying to think of a way I could show you my gratitude and I realized that the best presents are the ones you didn’t even know you wanted until you got them. So what Ive decided to do is grow you several new livers. It may sound strange but follow me here. So you have a cornucopia of livers at your disposal. So you start going to a couple bars looking for the most hardcore, biggest boozer in the place and challenge him to a drinking contest. And with lines like “Well, I’m not much of a drinker but…allright, lets have us a drinkin’ contest.”, you hustle him.

Before long, the country is abuzz with the tale of the lady who can drink any man under the table and everyone begins calling you “Mambo, Queen of the Drink”. Then its just a matter of time until the movie cameos and Maple Syrup endorsement offers come a rollin’ in. And, when your old liver starts to go bad, I just send you a new one. And so no ones the wiser I’ll send it in a plain brown box with the words “Not a human liver” written all over the outside.

Although I thought it’d be much simpler to genetically engineer human organs, it turns out it’s not as easy as you'[d think. The initial experiments were…disturbing. However, I recently purchased a 4th grade educational film strip entitled “Dude, wheres my stem cells?”. So, you should be recieving the fifty dollars and new liver within the month.

Again thanks, that was just incrediably nice.

Anndy Devitt