Well aint that some shit

Jake and Heather are gettin married tommorow. Outta nowhere. Didnt see that comin. Heather goes into the army on Thursday. They woke me up last night at around midnight and were like ANNDY! Get up, we wanna get married, marry us. On accounta I gots my legal minister certification goin on. So I was still asleep and like

“….Allright.”

Then after I was walkin around and started to wake up Im like “….Wait, what?”
Then I explained to them that in order have the privleage of entering into the sacred scam of marriage, you must go pay for marriage licenses. Turned out they already got em that day. And I was like werd bitches, we in bidness, lets marry you fucks. Checked the state laws ya need a notary to witness it to make it legal. Well got damn if dont have a notary public license too. BUT! Minnesota state law requires that for a minister to marry someone he needs (Thats right…HE…maybe a girl can be the ministers secratary but know yer damn role and suck my pronoun) a letter of good standin from the church in which HE was ordained. So the church will give ya one but ya gotta write em and theyll send ya one. And since HEather leaves on Thursday, I dont get to marry em. What a bitch. So there gettin married by some preacher fer like $500. Ida charged a case a beer and a cinnabun. So there loss. Still thatd been a cool story. Ida felt a sense of pride and blasphemy fer beatin god at his own game. Fuckin beuracrat.

So the way I reckon it is that HEather is nervous about leavin home and wants to take a part of home with her. A gaurentee that a part will be waitin fer her. So it seems like a mistake. But Ultimatly its their mistake to make. See that was deep, see why Im the madd ministeraniac. The Stealth Ninja Prime Minister of Sinister, Intergalactic Space Pimp.

And in the end I dont fuckin care. Theyre all just entertainment fodder in the reality show which is my life.

Also, I think our neighbor might be dead. We havent seen hide nor hair of him in like two weeks and his neighbor has been shovelin his driveway. And his bitch old lady is still around. Sooooo, I wanna have an “Our neighbor might be dead” theme party and dress as a dead him with a hole in the stomach from where I snuck into the morgue and had my way with his corpse. Which is my plan if that is the case.