Bitch Bitch Bitch

Heres the thing. I hate my life. It sucks, I mean like really. Its not like Im 14 and my girlfriend kissed someone else and its not like my dad bought me a USED car when I spefically asked for a new one. And Im not the only one with problems but bad times. Second worst period in my life. Honestly. And Im not an opptomist and apathy can only take ya so far.

So no job, dropped school, car broke. Only job I got is this part time thing. Ohhhhhh assistant loan officer. Yea fuck you its telemarketing. Crafty HR departments. I cant stand it. If people come in to get a burger, they want somethin, ya get it fer em. This is just buggin people. I mean what the fuck I did everything people are supposed to do. Everything we were taught to do. Graduate, go to college, get a good job, you is set go have kids. Doesnt work like that.

Its not even that I dont like workin Im a good worker. but man this fuckin pseudo job. See Im torn between keepin the job cause people keep jobs they hate, and dealing with the fact that the job causes me more stress then not havin one.

Ive kinda turned over a new leaf, er have a new philosophy er somethin. Honestly I dont talk to anyone ever about anythin thats botherin me ever and if I do Im incediably vague. But I was drunk and met this hippy girl at this bar. and she asked me what I did etc and I was fuckin drunk and thought I dont know ya fuck ya Im pourin my problems on ya. And she was like just do whats possible that makes ya happy. Made sense. Im turnin in this application to work at this bookstore tommorow and I dont even care what the pay is. $6 an hour, fuck it I can make rent with that. If I have to get some shitty part time job, whatever. And honestly I was like so close to considerin suicide that its like by tryin this theres nothin to lose.

People get sucked into this mortgage thing man. At my last job I worked with a lawyer, a journalist, and a philosophy major. Man these guys all had dreams about bein somethin and busted there asses to get to the point where they could pursue it. And they settled cause they were makin $15 an hour. And makin 6 bucks ya cant go out and get plasma tvs whenever ya want but yer happy ya did a job and that ya enjoyed it. And that ya know ya cant do this the rest of yer life so you have to have to keep tryin. And tryin even harder if ya have to. In a way this turned out opptomistic.

But yea man, I loved havin a set schedule, nights free, makin fat cash (fat not phat, cause fuckin come on), no weekends, stealin office supplies, but man fuck it. I have no problem gettin rid of that shit. And plus I look uber hot in a tie and if I have to wear one at work I dont feel like wearin one when I goin out so score. God damn I am a good lookin guy…Im switchin topics though so Ill stop but keep that in mind.
In any event its a bitch cause I should keep this job till I get a new one but nigga I dont know if its worth the stress everyday of worrying bout goin to it. Cause I mean sometimes ya have to just do shit no matter how bad ya hate it.

But in the end itll come down to a coin flip an hour before I have to go in tommorow. And wow do I pray the quarter comes up tails.