Ollie Knows.
Ollie came round tonight. I haven’t seen him in a couple of days. I’m suprised how much I missed him. I was worried about still wanting to be single but when he said he was coming round, I was excited. excited. why? It was just so nice to see him. I love being around him. He makes me laugh (which I know is a really corny thing to say but…you have to meet him to understand. He’s different. He’s really really bubbly all the time. And so confident and doesn’t care what people think of him but not in an arrogant way.He just likes to make his own fun and is always singing and dancing and messing around and *smiles* yeah, shut up Lauren)
Man…made a big mistake though tonight. I thought that last time we were seeing each other I had told him about my cutting. Apparently not. We were talking about school and I mentioned about Mr F wanting me to talk to him and we got onto the subject of what I would tell him. I said that because I thought he knew…and he was like "what?" Shit. Yes, shit. But, he’s ok with it. I said that he must’ve seen some cuts before because when we were seeing eachother I was doing it…but I must’ve been going through a phase of trying not to or something (probably because I was seeing him) and he said that if he had seen a cut or two he wouldn’t have taken much notice and would have assumed I’d done it by accident somehow. Which, if I wasn’t doing it that much, must have been true…I guess. Anyway, he agrees it’s a good idea to talk to Mr F. *sighs* I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to give him a letter. I just don’t know how to start to speak to him. urgh. This sucks. I just want him to know that I’m thinking so much about talking to him and that would make it so much easier. We shall see….I’ll…*shrugs* I’ll find a way.
Phone call when I got home from work. Mr Fawkes has died. Inoperable lung cancer. Poor man.
– Lauren xx
RYN: You’re right. It’s perfectly fine to bitch and moan and gripe, particularly since it IS one’s own diary. I do too, plenty. The frustrating bit, for me, is seeing people go “Oh, woe is me, I’m fat/I cut myself/I always wind up going to bed with losers who give me STDs and leave the next morning” and never deciding to 1) accept it and move on or 2) make a change.
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RYN: You’re right. It’s perfectly fine to bitch and moan and gripe, particularly since it IS one’s own diary. I do too, plenty. The frustrating bit, for me, is seeing people go “Oh, woe is me, I’m fat/I cut myself/I always wind up going to bed with losers who give me STDs and leave the next morning” and never deciding to 1) accept it and move on or 2) make a change.
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People do things that are hurtful to themselves in the long run for a reason. It’s cathartic, an escape, feels good at the time… I certainly get that. But if whatever I’m using to cope is causing more of a problem, maybe I should stop choosing that and develop some strengths and healthier outlets. If it’s causing less of a problem than my alternative(s), I should accept that it’s…
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People do things that are hurtful to themselves in the long run for a reason. It’s cathartic, an escape, feels good at the time… I certainly get that. But if whatever I’m using to cope is causing more of a problem, maybe I should stop choosing that and develop some strengths and healthier outlets. If it’s causing less of a problem than my alternative(s), I should accept that it’s…
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… the best I can do for myself, accept it, and live my life. Thanks for reading; I’m enjoying reading yours :c)
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… the best I can do for myself, accept it, and live my life. Thanks for reading; I’m enjoying reading yours :c)
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Aww, im sorry. Thats terrible. I hope things work out with you and Ollie.
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Aww, im sorry. Thats terrible. I hope things work out with you and Ollie.
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