Probs w/ Jas,Robs gig, look at my new shoes!

Had some fun recently. Friday night was a 6thform party. Got so amazingly drunk. made alittle bit of a prat outa myself but who cares?its all in the name of fun, right? Gordon apparently was never told that i fancy him. EVERYONE knows but apparently noone told him. he knows now!! im such a twat lol.  but, good news, when everyone was asking him if he liked me (yes, my friends were very drunk too) he said “i cant say, she has a boyfriend” that’s not a no, right? lol

but, now i feel bad. coz i like jason…i really do…im just not so sure its gonna work out. i mean, he’s a lovely guy. and we really get on. but, he’s getting a little obsessive. its like “shall we meet then?” “what are you doing at this time?” “i could come to your town or you could come to my village”

the most recent is

Jason – “are you coming to steffs party?”

Lauren – ” i dunno coz ive got work at 9.30 the next morn”

Jason – “ill travel back to lynn with you” (it takes about an hour to get from their neck of the woods)

Lauren – ” i dont know if there will be a bus to get me back to lynn that early”

Jason – “please come”

fast forward to next day

Jason – “are you going to steffs party? please come”

URGH!!

i dont know if im going ok??

stop saying please, that doesnt solve my problem, ok?

what to do, what to do.

and i heard myself thinking the other say “i can break up with him after 5 months or something”. thats not a good sign. i think its coz he’s taking things too seriously. i was with Apple for almost 5 years – my entire highschool life. i was just starting to have fun being single. when me and charlie first broke up it was weird. i missed him – we had spent every evening together for the past 4 and a half years and he didnt drink or go out much so he killed my social life.  then i got used to being single and it was ok. then i started getting my social life back. and then iloved being single. im not…flirtatious…i dont think. but i could see why people would find me that way lol. im not a slag. im very quick to say no to anything more than a peck lol. but, i cant do that anymore. and thats half the fun of going out now. i dont lead people on, i only do it to people who know im joking. but…urgh…i dunno. i guess i just want a little bit of being a teenager being single. and…its not special with me and Jason.i like him…but i dont REALLY like him. it mightve been special if he hadnt taken it so seriously so soon. im scared itll be another 4 and a half year thing and ill lose all my friends again. i dunno. i probably sounds like a real bitch/slag

anyway, last night. Vanilla Pod’s 10th anniversary gig. was very good. fucking fantastic night. i feel bad that i was a little flirtatious with Frank. and me and Zoe were texting a couple of guys who both think they have a chance with us. i know i didnt do anything wrong, i dont even like those two guys, we were just winding them up. but i felt bad. coz im with Jason.

my mum said to me the other day “im glad you and apple broke up. i think you missed out on going out with your girlfriends through high school. im glad to see you spending so much time out with Zoe” and it’s so so true.

my friend ashley who i talk to about my problems said he thinks were better off as friends. and when i told him about him keeping asking me to the party he said “does noone know you?? for fucks sake.” lol. i love ashley. he’s one of the very very few people i talk to about my problems. he knows me so so well. he said i dont let many people in though so i gues its my own fault.

this diary entry is a bit messed up. im skipping between topics.

ill shut up moaning and tell you all about my wondrous new shoes.Faith is the shoe department in the Debenhams in which i work. and i was warned yesterday that some teal boots i like were going down in the sale. so Roxy reserved them for me. went in today to get them with my mum and we looked at all the others that had gone down in the sale. one pair of brown ones i really liked and there was one pair lefta nd they were my size. so i had the left teal one on and the right brown one on and was doing a survey with all the staff to find out which i should get. i erally wanted the teal ones but my mum really liked the brown ones. most of the staff said “definitely green but the brown are lovely” im sure you know what’s coming…i bought both pairs.

http://www.faith.co.uk/catalogue/style.asp?range=58&subrange=250&curPage=1&style=840159

they dont have a pick of these ones in the brown coz the websites sold out and arent getting anymore but…you get the idea. its the orangey brown that everyones wearing at the mo (i have copying people but i loved them so much) and its a bit distressed too so its cool.

http://www.faith.co.uk/catalogue/style.asp?range=s&style=896555&CurPage=1&strSearch=896555

these are the teal ones. they are just purely wonderous. rather high though.

 

ill shut up now. god ive rambled tonight

Lauren xxx