i am alone

I lay there. Surrounded. There are people all around me. and yet, i have never felt more lonely in my entire life.sometimes, when im lying alone, i picture someone who i think cares about me…or someone i want to care about me next to me and wrapping their arm around me.i tried it.i pictured everyone.each person had their turn.but i couldnt find oneperson who it felt right with.i couldnt find one person who i thought loved me.there were 3 good friends sleeping in the same room as me that night.we’d had a great evening.but i was alone.those feelings that always used to suffocate me, that lead me to turn to suicide, came back. they haunted me all that night. i dreamt that i was alone. it was dark. i was frightened. btu noone came to save me. the was a hole in the ceiling and a rope…just the end was dangling into the room far out of my reach. that hoel was the only light. i was huddled in the corner. i waited for someone to come and push that rope…just a little…just so i could reach it.but noone came.i was alone. i am alone.