suicide…or attempted, dunno yet

Major hypernesstified today

ITS PANCAKE DAY!!

plus, i bought Modest Mouse album

(woo Henry)

so i was well pleased.

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but, then i went into Debenhams

my boss’ mum…who i call my aunty…who we lived 2 doors away from until i was 12…was at work

i was shoppin with my mum

we went to speak to her

the guy who lives next door to her

who’s kids i was best friends with and grew up with

committed suicide yesterday…in front of his kids…

or..he might’ve

he might be alive

we dont know

lord…

we dont really get on with their family anymore

neither does my boss’ family

but…

i feel so sorry for the kids

christ

this is majorly bad

i dont…didnt…even like the guy

but this is horrible

i really wanna cry but i dont feel i have the right to

i dunno

it’s messed up

i wanna say “there goes my pancake day…” because it’s one of my favourite days but…i’m not that insensitive

urgh…

my aunty saw him being put into the ambulance

she said he looked dead

his kids were so messed up, obviously

4 boys

i don’t know what to feel

two of his boys go to my school

one doesnt recognise me coz he’s a lot younger but the other does

how the hell am i gonna look at him?

i can’t offer my condolences…or my help

i havent spoken to him in years

but…

urgh…

Aunty Linda said she’ll ring later when she gets some news

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Purple Eyeshadow xx