Difficult Decisions…*EDIT*

This is going to turn out sounding like a huge "boo-hoo-pity-party," but I just have to get this off my chest so I can pick myself up off the ground and try to find a solution.  It’s my way of sorting through my worries and problems in order to keep myself from dwelling on them, so PLEASE, bear with me if you choose to continue reading.  

Hubby had me drive him to work yesterday morning.  He returned to work only the day before and already he was feeling the exhaustion that would take over the whole day for him.  I hate to see him so…..defeated.  In the last 23 years that I’ve been married to this man, he’s missed a total of only 4 or 5 days of work – due to illness, not including his hospital stay when he was diagnosed with the MS or his vacation days.  For nearly 20 of those years, he also worked 5 to 7 days a week, depending on the season.  He’s loved his job and has done it well and responsibly.  Although he was given the responsibility of managing the employees under him, he never abused that privilege, always doing as much work, and working just as hard, as he expected from everyone else.  

Now, he struggles just to walk down the aisles or lift a pot.  He’s been able, this past year, to delegate as much work as he was no longer able to do and to find as many "sit-down" jobs as he could, but running a greenhouse effectively is something that requires physical dexterity, strength and stamina, which is something my poor husband no longer has.  We’re tremendously grateful that he has been able to work for the same place since he was 12 years old for a family his parents have always considered good neighbors and friends and whom have given him the freedom to govern himself in his work.  I’m sure that if he’d been working for just any company, he’d have been let go by now.

I called an Attorney yesterday to discuss our options about him going on Disability.  Basically, what I was told was, "If your husband is working right now and is making more than $1,000.00 a month, he’ll be denied because he’s obviously not disabled – unable to work."  

There is no way we can survive on just $1,000. or less per month.  By the time the claim is accepted and approved, which I’ve been told could be a minimum of THREE MONTHS, we could lose everything we have.  The attorney even said she’s had clients that have ended up homeless waiting for their first check.  

This is definitely difficult for us.  For him to be able to cut his hours back – which his condition is inevitably going to force upon him within the next two to three months anyhow, I’d have to be able to work 40+ hours per week in order to make half of what he’s currently making on his 35 hour work weeks.  That is something I just can’t do right now.  I can barely stand an hour at a time just trying to get through some simple housework!   

I was told, too, that they’ll investigate his ability to work in a different field.  I don’t know what else he’d be able to do – even in a sit-down job – when he has a left hand that doesn’t work properly and his vision has been getting worse.  The sit-down job he designed for himself at work is using his right hand to pick up plant cuttings and shove them in dirt.  When a tray is filled, he has someone take it away and replace it with an empty tray.  He’d be content to do just that if that is all that was required to run a greenhouse, but, once transplanting is finished, what then?  And what other employer would pay him the same wage he makes now, which barely provides for his family as it is, to do something similar?  I just don’t see it happening.  

I’ve called Job and Family Services and left a message with my caseworker.  I WILL find a way around all this mess – with or without their help.  With their help, we may be eligible for cash assistance until his claim is approved once his hours go down.  Without their help, Cathy has already agreed with my idea of finding more cleaning jobs – even though she knows it would mean a lot more work for her and less money per job.  Liz has agreed as well, until she’s hired by someone else in which case she’s offered to pay "rent" to make things a little easier.  These ideas, however, would only be considered under the most extreme necessity.  I’m not ready, yet, to give up on the system, nor am I ready to subject my children to monetary servitude.  If that is what it takes, though, to keep this family together under one roof, that’s what I’ll do.  

In the mean time, I’m working hard to keep my blood sugars under control in hopes that my health will improve, I’m trying like crazy to become more mobile – which is VERY slow-going, and I’m praying my heart out.  What gives me courage is knowing that God never gives us more than we can handle and that all trials and sufferings He allows are aimed at strengthening our will towards Him.  It is in Him I place all my trust and hope.  

Please keep us in your prayers and THANK YOU all for the kind and loving responses you’ve sent me these past few months.  You have no idea what it means to me and I’m always thanking God, recommending you to His divine providence and loving care, every time I pray.

*EDIT*

The Mellen Center at Cleveland Clinic called.  The lady on the phone told me that once they receive the papers from Social Security, to investigate Stan’s disability, they will contact us to have him go to rehabilitation.  The Rehabilitation center will test him over the course of two hours, testing his strength, stability, stamina, motor function, eye sight, etc., then submit it to the Disability claims office for recommendation.  I have no doubt that the test will conclude his inability to function in his current job, what comes of it from there is up to God.  

Now if I could only get a-hold of my case worker….