A Cat’s Perspective

 1. Write an entry about your pet’s (or pets’) typical day, from the pet’s perspective.
 
Hi, my name is Yufie.  I’m a tuxedo cat.  I am one and a half years old.  I co-own six humans with an old guy I call Gramps.  He’s not really my Grandpa but since he’s a dumb old coot who seems to like me, I decided it was a good name for him.  One of the humans rescued me from the scary tree monster that was trying to eat me in their driveway.  I was so happy that I decided I’d keep her for my pet.  
The day my pet took me into her den, I was really scared.  Gramps was NOT happy to see me.  He yelled at me and told me to go away.  He said HE owned the den and the humans and he didn’t want to share.  He even said that my pet was his!!  I was cute, though, so I used it against him to find acceptance in the den.  My pet really likes me.  She would always play with me and give me yummy food.  Two of the other humans like me, too.  They like to hold me to keep me warm.  Sometimes I see these little strange things that wiggle and hop on the floor next to them and I try real hard to catch them so they won’t hurt my pets but I guess I’m not very good at it because they always seem to get away and disappear.  It’s a good thing the humans don’t seem to know they’re there, they just sit there and laugh like everything is okay.
 
Some of the humans in the den I don’t like so much.  The littlest one makes horrifying noises and squishes me too hard.  I tried to train him not to do it by scratching him with my sharp claws but it didn’t work.  He likes to stuff me in boxes and cover me with blankets.  I scream and scream but the Scary Lady human just laughs or yells at me.  I think she’s evil.
 
The man human is okay, but I am careful around him.  I stay away when he’s walking with those big sticks because he’s wobbly and one day I got in the way and he almost stepped on me!  Sometimes he will let me sit on his lap to warm up my paws, and he’ll keep the little human away from me, so I guess he’s okay.
 
After about a month Gramps finally learned to accept me as part of his family.  He’s grumpy a lot of times but I know he likes me.  Sometimes he’ll even give me a bath but I hate it when he chews on my ears!!  He taught me where the food was hidden and when no one is looking, I sneek some to share with him.  He likes that a lot.  The Scary Lady human caught me one time and yelled at me and I thought I was going to die!  I ran away into the dungeon where it’s dark and cold so she couldn’t get me.
 
I have decided that the Scary Lady hates me.  She doesn’t like me to own her children.  I think she likes Gramps a lot more than me.  He never gets yelled at when he finds a warm place to sleep but she is always yelling at me.  I found a wonderful, warm place to sleep one day in the kitchen.  It was up really high where the little human couldn’t find me.  I had to move a few things out of my way and I guess she didn’t like that very much because she came into the kitchen with her scary face and yelled at me and grabbed me with her scary paws and put me back on the cold floor.  She’s so mean!  
 
She likes to torture me, too!  As soon as I’m done eating, she takes me down into the dark, cold dungeon and sticks me in the dirt!  Gramps puts his stinkies in the dirt next to the dirt she puts me in and I think that’s awful!!  She must think I did it and is trying to punish me!  I tried to show her that I was a good kitty and she should like me because I don’t put stinkies in the dirt, but, she just gets mad at me anyhow.  I don’t think she likes the stinkies, either, because she always has her scary face on and makes horrible sounds when she puts me in there.  I don’t know how to tell her that I didn’t do it, that it was Gramps who did it.  She scares me so bad that, as soon as she leaves, I run away to find a place to go potty.  
 
Training these humans has been so hard!  They seem to understand Gramps but they act like I speak a different language.  One day Scary Lady made me so mad!  My pet was getting me something yummy to eat but she put my food in the wrong bowl and then forgot to put it on the floor for me to eat.  I tried really hard to tell her about the mistake but she couldn’t hear me.  She had black wires in her ears.  Scary Lady probably put those things in her ears to punish her for something!  I waited as long as I could stand it but I couldn’t take it anymore.  I jumped up onto the high place and started to eat.  Oh, it was SO good!  But then Scary Lady came in and yelled and pushed me off the high place and took the food away from me!!!!
 
I got my revenge later that night.  I put my stinkies on the floor in front of her sleeping place!  That will show her!

My name is Sniffles.  I was rescued by my pet when I was just a kitten.  My mother abandoned me under the pet’s den because I was sick.  I guess the humans thought it was cute to tease me about my illness because they named me after it.  Growing up in this den started out pretty difficultly.  There was a dog that lived here.  The thing was so stupid, he let these humans rule him about and treat him like a slave.  The worst part was when he’d chase me around the house and my pet would yell at me for clawing the beasts’ nose!  It was such a travesty of justice!  

Just when I thought I had developed a good understanding with the idiot mongrel, he got really sick and had to leave the den.  It was a sad time, indeed.  I was actually getting used to his clumsy, stupid antics.  My pets grieved for a long time and I did my best to comfort them.  

I matured quite fast and soon proved my worth by catching the rodents that lurked in the sub-section of the den.  I’ll never understand why these dumb humans let these creatures in!   They are fun to play with for a while but they’re a menace and need to be eradicated.  

I’ve been quite successful training the humans to understand their boundaries.  They’ve learned very well not to touch my stomach.  I hate it.  They know better than to disturb my slumber and when they’re not wandering around the house with the noise wires in their head, they understand when I demand food.  What more can a feline want?  I’m truly a king in this place!

During my life in this den, the pets have brought a few orphans in.  At first I absolutely hated it.  After all, I worked hard to assert my authority in this place and I wasn’t about to have the order of things disrupted.  To my chagrin, I found I actually like the company from time to time and figured they were probably bringing these little guys in for me to train.  One day they brought a retard into the den.  I tried so hard to teach him the rules but he never fully grasped anything.  I guess he couldn’t take it anymore.  He just up and ran off one day.  

Many have come and gone over the years.  All of them I eventually formed an understanding with but they never stayed long.  I keep a tight ship and I guess they can’t handle it.  There’s a couple of  vagabonds in the neighborhood that my pets let in over the winter months but I just barely tolerate their presence.  I’ve tried to communicate with them but they just hiss and tell me to leave them alone.  Whatever!  As long as they don’t disrupt the continuity of the pack, I’ll let it go.

I guess you could say that my most difficult responsibility in this den has been little Yufie.  The kid is SO annoying!  My pet brought her into this den against my better judgement and it really ticks me off how the little runt uses her feminine wiles to weasel her way into my pet’s heart.  Sometimes I think she’ll never grow up!  I’ve tried to show her how things are done around here but she always seems to get it wrong or is too stubborn to care and gets into trouble.  There’s a right way and a wrong way to train these pets and it must be done with a certain air of dignity and poise!  That is something I think Yufie will never learn.  At least the Lady pet seems to have her figured out.  

I’ve tried to show this girl where to use the restroom but she’s so prissy and stuck up, she refuses to use it.  She says it stinks and thinks I’m tricking her into getting in trouble with the Lady human.  What an idiot!  One day I caught her eliminating in front of the Lady human’s sleeping quarters.  I tried to tell her that it was uncouth and undignified, but she refused to listen.  I warned her that it could result in adverse behavior from the Lady pet, and sure enough, she ended up getting locked in the sub-section of the den the next night.  

Man, I’ve really got my work cut out for me with this one!