O. M. G!!!!!!

 Oh, my gosh, I will NEVER do that again!!!  Have any of you ever stepped on a tack?  Or better yet, have you ever stepped on a NAIL???  Try sticking a two and a half inch needle deep into the muscle of your foot.  Then try to use that muscle while the blasted thing is STILL IN YOUR FOOT!

For any of you who have or will have an EMG (Electromyogram) in the future…..you have my very profound sympathies.  

First of all, I have hypersensitive feet.  I feel, far more acutely, the sense of touch than the average person.  Not only in my feet, do I have sensitivity, but in my lower legs as well.  As for my hands, they’re always hurting due to arthritis and carpal tunnel syndrome, which means the Median nerve is already irritated by the carpal tunnel.  PAIN.

When having an Electomyogram, there’s two fazes to the test.  The first part isn’t too bad but, for me, it was still painful.  Electrodes were attached to various areas of my right foot, leg, hand and arm.  The technician then would take this device, that looked much like a small tazer gun, and press it against my skin where the main nerve was and then zap me.  He started out with low voltage which would make the muscle twitch and that wasn’t so bad.  But, then he would gradually increase the voltage as he zapped me over and over.  By the time he reached the highest voltage, I was jumping around on that exam table like a Mexican jumping bean!  And it hurt like hell!  Especially against the tibial nerve!  It reminded me of the time I accidentally electrocuted myself by a wall socket only it was localized in the particular nerve and muscle he was testing and it didn’t travel.  It was far less painful when he tested my hand and arm than it was my foot and leg but having the Median nerve tweaked with electrical voltage isn’t something one would consider a "pleasant" experience.

When the technician was done, the doctor came in.  She explained to me how she was going to insert a tiny needle into the muscles of my feet and legs to read the signals my nerves send to my muscles.  I’m thinking, "Okay, tiny needle…probably something like an acupuncture needle."  When I asked her if she was going to zap me through the needle she said, "Oh, no, no, that would be very painful.  I’ll show you how to flex your muscle and then I’ll have you relax, insert the needle and then have you flex.  That simple, nothing else."

Well, the thought of it alone was enough to make me a bit nervous considering how sensitive my feet are but I trusted her.  I decided I’d just buck up and deal with it because, after all, how bad could it be?  It couldn’t possibly be worse than getting an injection or dealing with an inexperienced phlebotomist………right?  He,he…, right??

Here is where I have to interject to remind you that when a Doctor says, "Oh, this won’t hurt a bit," it usually means "This is going to hurt."  When a Doctor says, "This will hurt just a pinch," it means "This is going to REALLY hurt."  When a Doctor says, "This will be somewhat painful," it means you better run the hell out of there because you’re about to experience the pain of near death!!!

Of course, I wasn’t thinking of that at the moment.  I was too busy looking at the two and a half inch long needle she was holding in her hand.  It didn’t look like any Acupuncture needle to me!!  It looked like a damn ice pick!!  

…and it felt like one too!!!

Have you ever experienced paralyzing pain??  The type of pain that is so intense that the area you’re experiencing it in is impossible to move??  Well, that’s what THIS was like.  

Oh, but it doesn’t end there.  Not only did I have to overcome the initial pain of the full length of that needle getting pushed deep in the muscle at various points in my foot, but, then I had to FLEX that muscle against resistance she provided with her other hand!!!!  

The first puncture was in the top of my foot.  Once it was in, she’d press down on my toes and tell me to flex my foot up.  I was going through my lamaze breathing – a little sweat broke out on my forehead.  

The second puncture was in the inside of my foot/arch, under my big toe.  The lamaze breathing was more of a "heeeaawwwww!" and my hands started to shake.  Then she told me to curl my toes down.  "I can’t, my foot is frozen."  "Yes, you can.  Now, puuuush!"  I swear she shoved that needle in as far as it would go!  I nearly fell off the exam table.  

Then she moved to the other side of my foot.  I almost wanted to cry at this point.  It still felt like the needle was stuck in the inside when she stuck me in the outside.  Then she went into the muscle near the achilies tendon – the bottom of my calf (soleus muscle).  When I couldn’t take that, she suggested trying a "less painful" muscle.  

She stuck the needle in the tibialis anterior muscle (front of the leg a few inches away from shin bone) and then pushed down on my foot telling me to pull my foot up w/my toes towards the ceiling.  I did this but she kept saying harder, further, harder and there was just no way.  The harder I tried pulling my foot up, the harder she’d push down and the more intense the stabbing pain would be from the needle.  Finally when I tried one last time as hard as I could, she shoved the needle in further and I swear to Hades, it felt like she was shoving a damn steak knife completely through my leg!  

Less painful muscle…my ass!

I had had enough.  I was shaking and sweating from the shock of the pain, I was crying like a scolded child and I was done letting her continue her professional torture.  

She left and sent the technician back in to electrocute me a few more times at very high voltage and then they sent me on my way.  

The brochure said I’d get a pain killer.  I didn’t get one.  They just dismissed me as if in disgust.  I limped back to the truck feeling victimized and traumatized.  Liz drove me home.  We stopped to pick up Hubby and Wesley and then I took 600 Mg of ibuprofen and went to bed to fuss and moan until I managed to fall asleep for a while.  

Today I still feel a little discomfort in the muscle near my shin and the top of my foot but at least I’m able to walk.  I honestly don’t know how ANYONE can tolerate the pain of an EMG unless they already have such a severe case of neuropathy that they have no feeling at all.  It was horrendous and I’ll never do it again.  

My sister, Annie, came over later that/last night.  I really enjoyed her visit and was happy to have her over but I couldn’t get what I went through earlier in the day out of my head.  The pain of child birth was a walk in the park compared to this test.  So, what could have been a much more pleasant visit was disrupted with flashbacks of pain and torture.  Sister is on her way back home to Kentucky, now, and I probably won’t see her again until Christmas.  I’ll miss her.