10/20/2013

I’ve played an insane amount of Pokemon in the past week, and I have zero regrets about it.

I had a photoshoot with my Portland Best Friend about a week ago. She has seriously crippling insecurity, so she is incapable of seeing herself as beautiful. It’s heartbreaking. It’s making editing them extra hard, because I’m being hyper-critical, since I know she will be, and …I just don’t think there’s anything I could do to convince her that I (and everyone else!) see(s) her as beautiful. She’s an intelligent, funny, caring woman with an adorable kitty and a great job in a fantastic town, but right now she can’t see past “I’m ugly and my boyfriend broke up with me.” It’s hard.

I’m only teaching one day a week, and it is super strange. I have 5 students, 3 piano and 2 voice, and it’s so…easy. No monsters, no asshole little boys; only 2 kids are playing in recital and they don’t have to be memorized; there’s never any crazy rescheduling and I get paid for no-shows no questions asked. But it also feels more soulless than teaching at the studio back home. It’s interesting. I haven’t fallen in love with any of my new students, and I don’t know why. Compared to how much I care about every single child I taught before…it’s just weird.

Two days ago as we went to bed, in the perfect little spoon cuddle, I said, “I was actually happy today.” It was a good feeling to not be faking it.

Yesterday we went out to Sauvie Island to go to the pumpkin patch. It was a “We pick, you pick,” which I’ve never done before; “You pick” is way more fun. But it was an absolutely perfect day out, and it was fantastic to be outside on a perfect fall day in PNW with my best friends.

Today is a sweatshirt and tights day, cuddled up on the couch under my favorite fuzzy blanket, listening to music and editing or playing pokemon or watching bad reality tv.