Need Motivation

So i’m struggling with my weightloss these days.  Its so hard when i really love everything about myself and i’m so confident in myself that its harder to get the motivation.  It was so much easier before when i had a low self esteem and hated myself to lose the weight, but i didn’t do it the right way.  People always look at me weird when they hear me say that gaining all the weight back was the best thing that ever happened to me.  The view people have of being fat is disgusting.  No one is concerned for my health, they are all concerned about how i look.  i think that i am beautiful and i don’t care what anyone thinks.  I lost so much weight before, after being big my whole life, and i went too far.  Gaining the 190 pounds back that i lost was the best thing that could have happened because it taught me to love myself and be confident in myself at any size and shape. 

But now that i’m so confident i’m finding it hard to lose the weight.  i want to lose the weight, i want to do it for me, i want to do it for my health, and i want to do it so that i don’t have to shop at fat girl stores anymore lol.  I also want to do it because my weight holds me back from doing things i want to do and not because i’m afraid to do them but i can’t actually do them at this size.  I need to find the motivation to get to the gym and do everything i need to do to accomplish this goal.  Its not that i’m too lazy, and its not that i can’t do it cause i can, but my life is so busy, and i work so much that its hard to find the energy and the motivation to go to the gym as well.  But i’m going to do it and i can do it. ***sigh*** but i need the motivation!  Motivation where are you??????