The time has come

 I honestly had no idea where this path would take me. The only thing I really decided was – IT WAS TIME FOR A CHANGE!

I found myself wanting more knowledge – more understanding – a better way to think and feel and when someone gave me the book "The Secret" something just clicked and boy did it click. I know now that I was truly LOOKING for this, prior to receiving the book, I was probably in the darkest place in my life that I had ever been. But something was poking at me – today I believe God came to sit with me when I was fighting with him the most.

I see how much I have changed..finding inner piece with ME and my friends who show me so much love and adoration..tell me I am loved and how wonderful they think I am..I have come a long way from last year…In the mist of so much pain and loss I have found my soul..who I am and how I have always wanted to be. I have come into a college program which the odds were very slim…I have found new wonderful people in my life,,,I have appologized to my oldest daughter for some things I am not proud of..and last night I send a email (after 8 weeks of no contact) with my ex …I have appologized for my behavior these last 6 months..all the stupid messages and talks we have had..which I had no right to do or say…even if he has hurt me beyond words…killed my self esteem and made my life not worth living…moved my ex friend into my house I loved…took her on holidays that I never could ,,,,treats her theway I wanted to be treated,,and loves her so much that he stopped contacting me…Its all fine…I guess this is what letting go means..to be fine with the outcome,,to accept what you never thaught you would or could….I saw his picture on FB ..he looked happy,,,,for the first time I was happy for him,,,I still love him but not in the desperate way…and I know this love was real…when you can forgive ..its real….

I look at myself and the way people show me love and how they feel about me..and then I see that I have to start seeing myself like that…with love…Love will come again…when I am ready and allowing…I am still working on myself and my life..but in the mist of the tragedy that happened I have found peace and meaning in my life….I am so greatful….