Underneath the Smile…

It’s been one of those weeks where the world just seems to get in the way and the only relief is to hide behind my smile. I know when you hurt you should show it but hey this is how I cope. I don’t cry, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. I listen and I care, that’s what I do. I’m not alway’s sad but sometimes I don’t even know when it’s real and when its not. I smile and I smile. To be quite honest it even disgust me. I think I have a problem. My friends agree, most find it annoying. I find it annoying.

I wish I could look in the mirror and see the real face, the real person beneath the smile. I wish I knew that person. That person comes and goes. When she’s around the world is crazy. It’s all black and goth and hurt. That’s when I pull out the black nail polish and act like nothing’s wrong and it’s prefectly normal for me to wear nothing but black. Not the normal surfer girl shirts with flowers and butterfly’s and to hip pants with funky designs on the bottems.

Things got hetic this past week and I covered it all up so well. My best friend lost a friend of her’s this weekend on top of a lot of other stuff I don’t want to get into this entry or we will all be here forever. Anyway, it’s strange with our friendship. If her or her family is hurt I start hurting and vice versa. We both share pain and hurt and cry together. Guess some people are lucky enough to have that friendship. I don’t know I got through life in 8th grade without her. And now I want to be a good friend but how can I be a good friend when I get really show any emotion.

I can say one thing, when I am upset people can tell. It’s always written all over my face when I’m really upset. Certian people get to see that side but the world isn’t that lucky. Get stuck with the girl who pretends that everything is peaches and cream or all strawberries and whip cream. I just wish, I know who I was on days like today.