Culturally Acceptable Bullying (A ramble)

 Here’s the story: I grew a mustache.

Do I look good with a mustache? Hell no.  Do I grow a half decent mustache? Perhaps, if you give me a few months to work on growing it in and properly styling it… but no, not really.  Do I like walking around with a mustache? Not particularly… but every once in a while, I like to do something ridiculous and see how it affects other people.

I don’t think I’m alone in this. I think the mustache itself was invented as a way of completely negating the practicality of daily grooming. Why have a beard on JUST your upper lip? Why not JUST your left cheek? Why not JUST your chin? (These are things, and they look equally terrible in my opinion).

Here’s the thing though, these things are all simple vanities. It’s hair on your face. It’s no different than styling your hair differently, or wearing a different kind of shirt. Now when I wear something ridiculous, I count on my friends to tell me. I don’t want to walk around looking like a fool forever, so I expected a certain amount of feedback when I wore my awkward, freakishly adolescent, mustache into the public eye.

What I was shocked with, was how comfortable women in particular felt about providing feedback. Here’s what I heard: 

"Derek, I love you, but I will never speak to you again if you keep that thing."

"You look like a serial child molestor."

"Some people can pull the look off, but you just don’t. You don’t. It’s terrible."

I was expecting it to be a negative reaction, but HOLY CRAP!  What’s even more interesting though, was how younger men reacted.  Almost not at all.  THEY GOT IT. They knew it wasn’t a permanent thing. They knew I could shave tomorrow and it would all be forgotten. That this was a curiosity, and a social test of sorts.

Now what would happen if I used even half the language of those girls towards them when they wore something I thought didn’t look too great on them?

"Hun, I love you, but if you ever wear a sundress again I will have to gouge out my own eyes."

"You look like my chain smoking aunt."

"Some people can pull off low rise jeans, but you can’t. You just can’t. Muffin TOP!"

Obviously, I could never say those things. I would never forgive myself for being so awful… but there are just some things that are okay to bully I guess.

Smokers. That seems okay to bully. "It’s 30 below outside, but you still have to walk 50 feet out the door to reach the designated smoking area… or as I like to call it, the PIT OF DESPAIR."

Ignorant persons. They seem okay to bully. "Of course Galileo was the father of modern physics… READ A BOOK, YA IDIOT"

Racists, and Bigots, certainly it’s okay to bully them. "I wish bigots would just die in a fire. A big gay fire."

Here’s something neat though. Do you know the definition of a bigot?

a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices; especially : one who regards or treats the members of a group (such as a racial or ethnic group) with hatred and intolerance

So the moment you begin to treat bigots with hatred and intolerance, you become a bigot AND a hypocrite!

Okay, now I’m off topic.  Just so you know, this experience hasn’t wounded my ego in any sense. I’m quite capable of laughing it off (and keeping my mustache an extra week to spite everyone), but if this had been a younger man (or a younger me perhaps) I don’t know how it would affect them. Something I’ll have to keep in mind the next time I see a particularly awful lip sweater.

Tact. Use tact.