The Enemy
The only enemy hard to defeat, is the one you have no desire to.
I think that’s why "I’m my own worst enemy" is such a relatable idea to people. By the way, has anyone else noticed how bad the spell checker is on this site? Atrocious. How can a diary site not know the word "Relatable"? Even capitalized it thinks it’s wrong. It’s in quotes and capitalized. It could be my friends new kids name. I know, it’s weird but they’re really hung up on the idea of a unique name because they’re named after bible characters like 93 percent of the western world…
Idiot.
So why do I type this? What brings on this outburst of the obvious? Well, because I get in my own way a lot, and it pisses me off, and I know I won’t change because that would be like denying who I am as a person. Think I’m wrong? Try thinking I’m not wrong. Easy, right? Wrong.
Jackass…
We see a lot of the positives in other people, and a lot of the negatives in ourselves. It’s winter time. It’s dark. I’m gonna feel down, and depressed. The rational part of my brain filters out a lot of the wrong thoughts that come into my head during these times. I’ll seclude myself and hate life and all the rest, but "nobody loves you" is eventually tossed aside because I have amazing friends. Even the ones that don’t love me make a good show of it.
Then every once in a while, a thought enters the brain. It’s usually put there by someone else. An outside observation, or just a reaction to something I say or do. It doesn’t even have to be words. But doubt enters in. The infallible nature of my friendships is placed in question. I have weakness. Real and daunting. This is not a wintertime weakness. It is not a self esteem problem, or a moment of depression. This is a flaw.
Upon examination this flaw runs deep. It’s not just real, but it’s wrong, and an inherent part of my personality. You can cover it. Hide it. Avoid it. Examine it. Work on it. It’s there. The thorn in the flesh, and it cannot be removed. Not through surgery or prayer. It is you. It is me.
And I loathe it.
So what do I do? Fall into self loathing? Sure, from time to time. Ignore it? Yeah, sometimes. Work on it? Yeah, if I can. But it is ever present. I seethe with hatred against this, but know it is a part of me. My personality. Friends, and acquaintances have shown patience, and understanding. They have healed more than I will ever admit to them just by being (acting) oblivious to this.
The reaction I’m going for here, is a big WTF.
I judge people. I won’t even say that’s a flaw. I’m damn proud of my ability to judge people. I also have great faith in some people that don’t deserve it all the time. The problem is, I don’t have enough scope to judge people 100% of the time. If they make 88% of the choices that I would smile and nod at, I might see only 99 percent of THOSE decisions. I’m not omniscient. I have no grand perception that gives me the power to make infallible judgement. That is, with everyone else but myself.
Now try having a self righteous, cynical, (hypocrite) judge examine EVERYTHING you do. Then agree with him, and see how great you feel. Self esteem my eye. I only hate myself because I respect myself too much to ignore myself.
I think I’m picking up what you’re putting down, but if you’re in court, where’s the jury come into all this judging business? I’m an upstanding citizen. I get an opinion I can share and condemn or relieve you with do I not? Maybe plead the fifth. I still don’t know what that means. I can only picture Dave chapelle shouting it at the judge and making everyone laugh.
Warning Comment
I think I’m picking up what you’re putting down, but if you’re in court, where’s the jury come into all this judging business? I’m an upstanding citizen. I get an opinion I can share and condemn or relieve you with do I not? Maybe plead the fifth. I still don’t know what that means. I can only picture Dave chapelle shouting it at the judge and making everyone laugh.
Warning Comment
I think I’m picking up what you’re putting down, but if you’re in court, where’s the jury come into all this judging business? I’m an upstanding citizen. I get an opinion I can share and condemn or relieve you with do I not? Maybe plead the fifth. I still don’t know what that means. I can only picture Dave chapelle shouting it at the judge and making everyone laugh.
Warning Comment
I think I’m picking up what you’re putting down, but if you’re in court, where’s the jury come into all this judging business? I’m an upstanding citizen. I get an opinion I can share and condemn or relieve you with do I not? Maybe plead the fifth. I still don’t know what that means. I can only picture Dave chapelle shouting it at the judge and making everyone laugh.
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But I like you
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But I like you
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But I like you
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But I like you
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I only come on here every so often and its always to see if Derek has written anything new. I jump for joy when he has. Sorry to everyone else, you’re just not as interesting and you know it.
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I only come on here every so often and its always to see if Derek has written anything new. I jump for joy when he has. Sorry to everyone else, you’re just not as interesting and you know it.
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I only come on here every so often and its always to see if Derek has written anything new. I jump for joy when he has. Sorry to everyone else, you’re just not as interesting and you know it.
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Haha, Jenn. You’re wrong, but I like the compliment all the same.
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Haha, Jenn. You’re wrong, but I like the compliment all the same.
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Haha, Jenn. You’re wrong, but I like the compliment all the same.
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Maybe like this? http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/
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Maybe like this? http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/
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Maybe like this? http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/
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You sort of missed the purpose of the bad smell entry. Cigarillos I’ll give you, since many do like te smell, or at least prefer it to cigarettes, myself included, but bile? Puke is probably the worlds singularly most hated smells. It’s too obvious a choice. As a man of discerning taste, I know you have more particular dislikes, and I would love to hear of them!
Warning Comment
You sort of missed the purpose of the bad smell entry. Cigarillos I’ll give you, since many do like te smell, or at least prefer it to cigarettes, myself included, but bile? Puke is probably the worlds singularly most hated smells. It’s too obvious a choice. As a man of discerning taste, I know you have more particular dislikes, and I would love to hear of them!
Warning Comment
You sort of missed the purpose of the bad smell entry. Cigarillos I’ll give you, since many do like te smell, or at least prefer it to cigarettes, myself included, but bile? Puke is probably the worlds singularly most hated smells. It’s too obvious a choice. As a man of discerning taste, I know you have more particular dislikes, and I would love to hear of them!
Warning Comment
You sort of missed the purpose of the bad smell entry. Cigarillos I’ll give you, since many do like te smell, or at least prefer it to cigarettes, myself included, but bile? Puke is probably the worlds singularly most hated smells. It’s too obvious a choice. As a man of discerning taste, I know you have more particular dislikes, and I would love to hear of them!
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i get it.
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i get it.
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i get it.
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i get it.
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