Somewhat stressed

Continuity
Not sure what today’s weight was at, I forgot to check.

Entry
I walked into the third interview with the company my friend started expecting to be interviewed by at least my friend, the CEO, and maybe some key players. It was a board room with him and seven other people. I got grilled with questions.

I felt it went OK. There were some questions I didn’t answer as fully as I felt I could have. Things like, “If you were a project manger here with a new game, what would you do?” was really broad. I asked my friend how things could have gone better and he knew his people were looking for more detailed answers, but that it was hard for me to give them what they were looking for since a) I haven’t run an software development project before and b) I don’t know how it is they do their hybrid of Waterfall and Agile project management. I left feeling like I didn’t impress them enough and that my friend had a bit of a task ahead of him yet to win them over. I have his confidence which is huge, but the team needs that same buy-in and I didn’t leave them with that.

On top of that, even if I am offered the job, it’s not going to pay like those other ones I’ve been a contender for. I went back to his office to be asked one question: what are my salary expectations. I said I know based on my skills that I can get a 60-80k range from business downtown, and asked him if it was too high. He repeated what he said back in January during our first 15 minute face to face talk, that he couldn’t pay the high end salaries. I mentioned that if I couldn’t reach my ideal range in pay that there were other incentives such as paying for future certifications and education in project management, namely to the tune of a few thousand dollars. He nodded his head in agreement. And I pointed out that he offers me an opportunity here that no other company can: to work with these people doing what they do, which is make software games. There is value associated with that to consider.

He said he’d be in touch with me this week for sure. I look forward to hearing from him. Over all, I remain worried.

The army paid ~48k and after lots of calculations we knew we could make it on that, but now with more than twenty-thousand dollars of debt between last year and the wedding, we wouldn’t have any savings for the first two years.

Dad says there are people all over the place looking to hire project managers at the wage I’m looking for and I just haven’t met them. He doesn’t think I should accept anything less than what I’m looking for. I’m realizing most of what I’ve been doing is echoing him without attachment to the statement, despite having stood my ground on it in serious discussions.

In the end, I don’t know what my friend is able to offer. Whatever he does offer is a helluva lot more than what I’m making now, which, if I were getting full-time hours, is only $25k. I do think I could be very happy at this place… but that squashing bigger plans because it’s could be as much as tens-of-thousands of dollars less. I’m not sure I could turn down anything my friend offers. I feel quite sheepish having fought so passionately with my fiancee that I shouldn’t take anything less than $72k but when faced with the prospect of turning something down that would enable us to at least live on our own and make everything work out on just my income… I want that.

I want a live with her and our dog, and possibly cat (who knows). I really want that independence and life with her. The more I think of having just that… I think I’d be really happy. It’s hard differentiating what your parents want for you and what you want.

Ultimately, nothing’s been offered and nothing has been decided. Amended wedding costs will still be met. I’m marrying the most amazing, beautiful, intelligent and understanding woman whom I do not deserve. The next few months are going to be wonderful. Hell, my life with her is going to be wonderful, regardless.