O Holy Night

Three and a half years ago my sister and I became aware that our mom was in trouble – a trouble that Mom herself was/is unaware of.  My Mom, a brilliant teacher, scholar, volunteer, friend, and mom — has dementia.

Early on, Sis wanted to get a specific diagnosis for the why.  There was no point to spend the money that was not there to get that answer.  So we have been winging it.

Even though I had been mentioning changes I noticed in Mom’s cognitive abilities, Sis and I allowed Mom to continue to live in the house we grew up in, and drive her car to continue to teach literature at the local community college. Daughters of both my sister and I told us that Grammy had way too many “dings” in her car, and was no longer a safe driver. There was even one specific example of Grammy STOPPING on the freeway to read an exit sign.  Again, I did not step in at that point when I probably should have.

I am spending too much time on this first part of my entry: we finally figured out that Mom needed to be moved out of the home we grew up in and into a retirement facility.  That has now been accomplished, and it was with my sister’s help, but it was all because of me.

Let me skip all of the hard shit that I had to / did do, and get to the song.

Sorry, this is also a bit of another long story (why, oh why would any of you want to read any of this?) OK, shortest version that I can think of:

Christmas season is hard.  It is hard for anyone who has loved and lost someone.  My dad died on December 19 (when I was an adult) and it made me not want Christmas to come for many years.  Then 3 years ago, my sister and I were forced to acknowledge Mom’s dementia and move her out of our childhood home into a safe place – against her will at first, but now a good arrangement.

I am a great lover of all jazz, and Hubby has indulged with letting me follow my dreams.  Through those connections, three years ago we found ourselves in an intimate setting in a private home where musicians were performing Christmas music. I was there because I knew one of my favorite artists would be there up close and personal: Tom Braxton!  (he was great, btw)

But then, Gigi sang O Holy Night.  Beautiful.  Tears flowed down my face.  And that year, that Christmas that we had just emptied my mom’s house on my birthday/halloween weekend, after we had moved her and admitted/realized that she could no longer be in charge…

Gigi’s song gave Christmas back to me that year, and forevermore, O Holy Night is my Christmas Song!