Medhia, showering without you isn’t the same

I had my first shower without Medhia, and it was strange.  I’m used to her being there watching me, rubbing up against me, pawing at my leg as I shave.  Then when I get out, helping to dry me off by licking my legs.  That didn’t happen tonight.  I also remembered something I felt really guilty about and now I can’t remember.  It was something important.

I haven’t cried over it which is a good sign, but I missed it tremendously.  I had 15 years of bathroom time with her.  Over the years I’d say she missed 2 per cent of my bathroom breaks.  Most of those happened in the last six weeks or so.

For a few years, she would even sit in the shower with me.  Then one day she reached for me and stretched out a little too far.  She fell in.  She did not enjoy that.  Ever since that day she has not joined me in the shower.  Instead, she would guard the rug to make sure it didn’t escape, and I had a lovely soft, warm surface to step out on to.  After which she would help dry me off by licking my legs.  That was our routine for about 5,475 days.

I miss her.  It seems I miss her more at night.  I’m not as anxious about going into my room anymore.  So lots of small steps forward in the healing process.

This will be Tigger’s first time alone by herself.  I don’t know how she will do considering Medhia left just yesterday, and then I’m disappearing.  If I were her, I’d develop some worry over that.

I want to get her a companion, but I promised myself no more pets right now.  I am finally able to move like I have been planning for.  Well, wanting too.  Soon the planning can begin.

I feel better than I did this morning.  Now I’m just sad.  It seems the tears have stopped.

It’s almost midnight.  Time to get some sleep.  I have to be up early, for me.