I can’t watch her suffer anymore.

Right after I made my last entry, Medhia hopped up, licked me, and then had a huge drink.  She didn’t seem sick at all.  I went downstairs to get her some food, came up and she ate it.  No coaxing or debating.  She didn’t eat much, maybe a teaspoon but it’s something.  As I was putting her food back in the fridge, she came wandering down the stairs.  She went straight for the litter box and peed.  It wasn’t much but more than any time over the last two days.  She waited about 30 seconds after before she realized she was finished.

She then went and got some more to drink, and shortly we went back to bed.  That was around midnight.  Once she settled in, she laid in what looked like a very uncomfortable position.  It is a position cats lay in when they have stomach problems, usually too much acid.

It’s now 3:29 and I spent 2:15 until 3:00 watching her try and pee.  She went from litter box to litter box leaving little droplets of golden rain.  Before she finally stopped, it looked like she was going crazy, digging and making all sorts of weird poses.  She also spent a lot of time wandering around like she was looking for something.

While all that was happening,  she has started growing if I try and pick her up.  I don’t blame her, she has to have an overfull bladder.  She’s drinking a gallon and dispensing a cup one drop at a time.

About 3:10 I tried to get her to eat, and she did.  She ate about a 1/8th of a teaspoon.

That didn’t settle her.  She is now on her own.  I couldn’t watch her pace and try and pee anymore.  It’s heartbreaking.  In four hours I’m calling the vet and taking her there as soon as I can.

Of course, the glimpse of what she was like ten years ago made me question if this is the right time to help her cross the bridge.

I’m so glad OD2 is back.  It’s good to be able to write since I have no one to talk with about this.  I can at least talk with myself in a non-crazy way.

Life without her will be an adjustment.  The past year I have not left home for more than a couple hours tops.  Every hour she was being tended to.  It became a rhythm I could plan my next hour around.

It will be weird having more than 55 minutes to do something before I had to take a feeding break.

It’s nearly 4 a.m.  I wonder if I should try and stay awake now rather than sleep.  I have to be up at eight to call the vet.  She needs to get in as soon as possible.  Her suffering needs to end before it gets worse.  She’s now showing signs of pain.  Even walking down the stairs seems like it’s hurting her.

Draining her bladder is a quick fix, but it won’t solve the problem of her kidney’s are no longer producing urine.  Although, I don’t understand why she feels the need to pee if she’s not producing urine.  With some tremendous luck, it’s treatable, and I have a few more months with the love of my life.

I never thought I would think of an animal as a soul mate, but Medhia is very close to that, if not my soul mate.

I’m probabbly going to regert going downstairs to check on her.