Busted as all get out.

 I … have a special talent for breaking my damn ankles. Actually, I’ve magically managed to not break them, but I come so close it’s frightening. I’ve been to the ER twice for xrays, due to the incredible pain and giganticness and immediacy of the swelling. Both times, the Dr who saw me in the ER said they thought it was broken and wanted to have XRays to be sure. Both times, no breaks, just torn tendons. This is a fancy way of saying that it’s an "acute sprain," apparently. I managed this feat for the second time on Friday. WOOHOO, go me! 

It’s frustrating not to have insurance. My foot swelled so immediately, I thought for sure it was broken. I cried for like a solid 45 minutes and was unable to stop. Kasin was freaking out, he didn’t know what to do and wanted to help and make me feel better, but it just hurt SO MUCH I kept telling him it was fine and that he could just go in the other room but he was hovering around me trying to help. Poor kid. I couldn’t get a hold of ANYONE, I tried to call and text Ross but when he’s working he can’t really use his phone. I called Heather at work but she was swamped. I texted Kim and asked if she could come sit with my kids so I could drive myself to the ER, but she was babysitting for a cousin and also sprained her own ankle at work on Thurs, so she couldn’t. It took me over an hour to get Bubb to come over and sit with the kids. I texted Job’s mom, because I had him on Friday, too, to let her know I was going to the ER and that she should pick up her kid ASAP, but she seriously told me no. She said that she wouldnt be able to come get him until 6, but did I want a ride to the hospital? Would I like her to meet me there so I wouldn’t be alone? UHM, NO. I want you to come get your frigging kid. She said she was fine with Bubb watching him. Great. 

Later that evening she texted to check on me and see how I was doing, and I told her I was still waiting on xray results, and she told me she was out at the lake in north pole with some pals, and would head back to town in a half hour to pick up Job by 6. I told her I didnt think I would be back home by then, because things were going incredibly slowly in the ER. I was livid that she was just out fucking around with her friends when I had asked her to come get her child and she told me NO. Seriously? What the HELL? Who just leaves their 3 yr old with some strange man they’ve never met before, and goes to the lake with their friends? you can’t take your frigging kid to the lake with you?? Whatever, man. I was irate. 

Ross ended up getting home shortly after I left for the hospital, and when Heather got off work she had plans with Tiffany. Even though Bubb was at my house with the kids, Ross decided to just sit at home with him and not sit with me at the ER. Our friend Craig just moved back into town, so he stopped by, too, and found out I wasn’t there. So, Bubb, Craig, AND Ross, were all at home with the kids at my house, and I was sitting all alone in the ER with my foot up on ice. AWESOME. Ross never even considered coming to wait with me, didn’t ask if I wanted him to or anything. Way to be considerate, man. 

Anywho.

Shit hurts. I have a gel splint on it.

Still freaking out about money, about a month and a half behind on Rent, at the moment. Well, shit, it’s about to be July, gunna be 2.5 months behind soon. I’m trying to get Ross to go to his bank and talk to them about a personal loan.  My tuition is $4,400 but Im not sure if that’s for the whole internship year or JUST the Fall semester, and then I’d have to pay another $4k in the Spring. GAh. Im going to go ahead and assume that I will have to pay another 4k in the spring, just to be safe… So, that, couples with the $6,240 we need to cover my half of rent for the year, comes to $15,040.00   … Im hoping we can get it, or well, hoping Ross can get it. Without having to pay rent for a while, it should be okay to add an extra bill for the loan pay back. Also, he’s been doing really well with his car loan, which he actually took out as a personal loan for $1,000  and has only made ONE late payment on, and it was only a couple of days late (he worked late a few days in a row and wasn’t able to go by the bank because they closed before he got off. ) 

Anyways, so then we’ll have to take the loan money and break it up into chunks for tuition, rent, and then the reserve amount for Spring tuition. 

Im hugely regretting having committed to the RHCP concert in Anchorage.. as awesome as it’s going to be, I absolutely cannot afford to go on this trip. It’s a 7 hour drive to Anchorage, which will require about 4 tanks of gas, about $400 for a hotel, and money for food while we’re there. Heather is footing most of the bill, because she knows I have almost no income at the moment. She’s anxious about the cost of the trip, as well, so I’m trying to save up here and there to contribute.. the show isnt until August 6th… but I also need to find a babysitter for Milo for Tues and Wed (the 6th and 7th) and I have no idea how to make that work.. plus, I may end up having to pay someone to stay here and watch him while Ross is at work. Even if I got him into daycare by then, Ross might not be able to pick him up and drop him off because of how much overtime he usually works. I’m also anxious about Milo for so long, I’ve been away from him over night before, but in the same town! This is THREE DAYS away from him, about 400 miles away. Im sure he’ll be fine, but I’m freaking out a little. 

I wish money could rain from the sky.

This internship is the most ridiculous thing I will probably ever have to do. Ross averages 15-20 hours of overtime in a pay period, so we havent been able to qualify for any assistance yet, because the OT makes it look like he makes more money than he does… which puts us over the income maximum for help. I don’t see how they really expect a family of four to live off of $14/hour. 

In other news, Kasin started Tae Kwon Do last Monday, and he’s really loving it. He’s doing pretty well, he caught on pretty quickly. He needs to stop being so VAIN, there is a full size mirror covering an entire wall, and when he does kicks and jumps, he turns his head at the last minute to watch himself in the mirror, and then he messes up. He’s such a little pop star. It cracks me up when people try to tell me that girls are divas and I should be glad I have boys.. YOU DONT KNOW MY BOYS! Glam drama diva sass all the time, I swear. 

Milo is currently driving me insane, Im about to "help" him clean up his room, because Ross and I have cleaned this room four times in the last 24 hours, and Milo will just grab all his toy bins and dump them out all over the floor, just for giggles, and refuses to clean them up. I have to sit with him on the floor and "help" him clean up.. which sometimes means I have to grab his hands and MAKE HIM pick up the toys.

Sounds fun, right? 

There are a lot of forest fires in our area at the moment, three or four that are pretty close by, so it’s been really smoky and ashy out, it’s nasty and makes me feel ill. It also means we have to keep our windows shut and out fans turned off, because otherwise we arejust sucking ashy smoky air directly into our house. This sucks because it’s been so HOT. Sometimes I give in and run the fans for an hour or so just to get some relief. Alaskans are NOT used to warm weather, and it’s been in the 90s. I know some of you are scoffing, because it’s like 110 where you are, but Alaskans are used to 70s. lol FURTHERMORE, Alaskans do not have air conditioning. It’s just not a thing that houses in Alaska have. Probably because people who build houses here aren’t FROM HERE, so they don’t think we need it. 

I’ve been thinking a lot more about moving to the states, and feeling anxious about that. I wish I could micro-manage it in the future. I’m a little nervous about whether we’ll be able to move right away or not… my original plan was to finish my internship and then jump ship IMMEDIATELY, move out of state as soon as we possible could, probably by November. (Internship ends in May.) However, we are going to be so completely broke by then, that Im not sure if we’ll be able to. So, I’m not sure if I’m going to have to find a job locally for a while and try to save up to move, IDK if we’ll end up having to fly rather than drive, and I dont know if we will possibly end up staying for ANOTHER YEAR before we can move, just to save up money.. BUT THEN the problem is, if I get a job here in town as a teacher, then Im not sure if I’ll want to leave… Honestly, though, Im not holding out hope that I’ll get a job teaching right away.. the thought of spending YET ANOTHER winter here makes me literally sick. 

It sounds more sensible to wait another year once my internship is over and save up for the move… Even if I don’t get a job as a teacher, I should be able to work as a substitute for the year, or find something else that will pay fairly well with my degree. If we continue to live really frugally, any excess income will go directly to savings so we can move… Ideally, I would like to apply for teaching jobs out of state and then move to wherever I get a job. That would take a lot more time, though, and we would have a lot less control over where we end up. I wouldn’t probably be able to get a teaching job out of state right away, in time for the next fall… and if I did, I wouldn’t probably be able to afford to move in time… We COULD, in theory, use our dividends (which come out in October) to move with, but school starts in Aug/Sept, so I would have to have enough money saved up to move before that. 

I’m also having a really hard time deciding what to bring when we move. It seems unlikely that we will be able to afford movers to pack and ship FOR US, I’m betting that’d be 5-6k. So it makes more sense to just sell or give away most of our stuff and then buy new stuff.. OR, to rent a UHaul and drive from Alaska to the rest of the USA.. possibly as far as PA… which is my dream location 🙂 I really would not prefer to drive, but I also do not want to get rid of all my furniture, TVs, so much stuff that we’ve amassed over the years… keep sakes and so on.. I could MAIL certain things in boxes, via UPS or USPS down ahead of us, but that would get expensive quickly, and also that would rule out furniture like beds and TVs and things.. 

But again, this is all stuff I can’t speculate about and it’s not worth freaking out over NOW, Im just so ready to MOVE and be DONE.. ugh. I want out of here. I want a new life. Although, part of me feels like I’m running away from my current life, and I know that isn’t the sort of thing a person can do- just jump ship and move somewhere else. Your problems always follow you. And honestly, it’s not what Im TRYING to do… it just feels awfully similar. 

I feel like I have one more thing to talk about.. uhmmm… hmmm… I can’t remember. It’ll come to me, surely… OH! MY CAR! ahahaha…

So on Friday, we had a Primus concert here in town. Primus is Ross’ ALL TIME FAVORITE BAND EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, and so he bought tickets immediately and we were the first ones in line for the show, etc. (the tix were only $35/ea, a pretty reasonable price, and we havent had a date night in like, six months…) ANYWAYS, we left our house at like 430pm, and we drove through Wendy’s across the street from our house. I had been driving and running errands before that during the day… but when we were at the window getting out food, my car stalled out. It started right back up, chugged a bit like a lawn mower for a few seconds, but fired right up and drove just fine. We decided we should go back to the house and switch my car for Ross’s car, and the whole way home the car stalled every time I stopped it. It was fine as long as we were moving, and it started back up each time with very little argument, but it was freaky. So, on Wed morning I have to drop my car off at GT Auto at 8am… which is going to be a huge PITA, I’ll have my two kids plus Jackson, and Heather is going to meet me there and drive us all back to my house afterwards. Im hoping my car makes it there with very little drama.. and doesnt end up needing to be towed. The quote for figuring out what’s wrong with it is $99.00, and then the hourly shop fee is the same per hour.. not to mention if it needs parts of any kind.

I feel sort of bad, because Ross’ dad sold us this car for cheap and gave us a REALLY good deal on it, and he had it tuned up right before he gave it to us. I haven’t had the oil changed or a tune up or any maintenance done to it in the two years I’ve owned it. I’m a horrible car mom. Im hoping it just needs new spark plugs and an oil change and such.. I called this same place for a quote on a tune up and he had said it would probably run about $500.00.. UGH… hopefully this repair situation doesnt end up being more than that, or not too much more, anyways. 

Wish us luck.
~me