ho hum

So here I am wondering what I’m doign with my life.  I’m 26 years old and work as a teller at a bank… and all I do is work and come home and sit on the couch.  I don’t have any friends anymore, I’ve become almost completely a hermit and have a really hard time relating to people anymore.  I never thought I would turn out this way.  I’ve been thinking of changing jobs just to add some spice into my life.  The only thing I do now days to feel like I’ve accomplished anything is gardening, which I happen to have a knack for suprisingly.  Well, at least I’m not killing my flowers anyway.  I’ve just been in this funky mood like I’m no good for anything and my life is pointless.  I’m wondering when I’m going to find what it is I was put on this earth to do.  I feel really lost lately, like life doesn’t suprise me anymore.  I never get that feeling of wonder or amazement or excitment like I used to when things were new as a kid, or even a teenager.  I feel like I’ve done it all and seen it all and all that’s left is to have a kid…. but I don’t want to have a kid.  

I want to go back to school so that I can get a career that holds any type of interest for me and not be put into a work atmosphere with cady selfish backstabbing co-workers.  I want to feel like my opinion matters and I’m learning things… lately my job is so monotonous I want to rip my hair out!  But I can’t afford to go back to school until we get our debt paid off and that’ll be another 2 years… 

So I’m stuck in this rut of crappiness… 

I’ve basically quit smoking though!  That’s some good news, although I did have a mess up last weekend when I was drinking.  But other than that it’s probably been a good month since I had anything to smoke.  : )  I’m proud of me for that.  I’ve joined a gym and am hoping to get in shape for my sisters wedding on the 6th of June.  She is marying the love of her life.  : )  I’m happy for her!  I wish there were more people like my sister in this world, she really is the greatest.  I am also planning her bachelorette party… which reminds me I need to do some internet shopping.

My mother moved to Vermont a few months back, so I am planning on visiting her this fall, that’ll be interesting.  So at least there is some good news in my life… I just wish I was happy enough to enjoy it.