I guess we’ll just have to adjust

 So here we are with a New Year again, huh? Awesome. New Years is like Valentines day..pretty overrated…

Where to begin..

My holidays were as good as they could have been, I spent the whole week running around with my mom and catching up with friends (mainly my best friend double T) I also made a stop over at my old nanny house, it had been over a yeah since I  saw my girls! So yeah obviously they are not little anymore, my favorite Katherine, who was 2 when I started, is now 7 and just so big! It made me feel old. So yeah had some other random encounters with people, but mostly was with my family. I got my best friend a gift which I was very excited to give him..I had been planning it for months. He write for Game Informer and he did his first cover in October, so I framed it for him. I got a lot of shit for it (in good fun) but he deserved it. i don’t feel like I did as well with the family presents. I just felt bad that I wasn’t able to spend as much money as my brother and sister did..but I know it was fine. So yeah Saturday I decided to head back home, I was exhausted and wanted so badly to sleep in my own bed. 

Yeah lets just say it was a mistake to come home so early. josh hadn’t planned on coming home til Wednesday, so I was all alone at the apt. It was fine. Sunday I went and say Harry Potter (finally!) with my friend Mark, and Monday my new best friend Ann came over and we played the Sims and planned for Vegas. Tuesday after talking to Josh on the phone, I met him and his friend in Albertville, so he came back a day early. I was very happy about this. But I was also glad that I got to meet his friend Stefan. It is like his oldest most best friend, so I was glad to get the chance to meet him (he is in the army). He gave me a hug when we left, so that had to be a good sign lol. I was also nervous that with Josh being home for that long, by deed of blocking that girl would come out, but thankfully it did not (thankfully he didnt’ see them really. darn.) So that can keep continuing 

Things have been better since we have both been back. I think being apart for a few days was good, gave us a chance to clear our heads and just have alone time. It still bugs me that we didn’t spend xmas together, that he didn’t come to my families and that I didn’t seem wanted at his. But only time will tell with things. And I guess I have just enough patience to find out. 

ok, another thing that is weird. So his mom gave me a GC to Express for xmas (gross) which was nice of her..it didn’t have an amount written on it, so I decided to spend it in one shot since I dont shop at that store. I picked out a few things and went to see how much was on the card 0$. The weird thing was, she wasn’t like mad about it when Josh told her..I would be pissed if i had spent 50$ and the GC didn’t get activated. So it is leading me to believe that she may have like regifted it and forgot that she spent it or something. It made me kind of sad. I don’t mean for that to sound selfish..but if that’s how it sounds then whatever. I just feel like she is not my biggest fan…and I have absolutely no idea why. 

I leave for Vegas in a few days..I know it will be a good time but i really wish it wasn’t going to be so long of a trip. 6 days is such a long time to spend there. Granted 4 of them will be filled with meetings and stuff with the conference, but still. Last year when I was there, 3 days was too long..so 6 should be interesting.

on a ME note..i have been going to the gym a lot. It is hard to get the motivation sometimes, but once I am there I am in the zone. I was am finally starting to see home results, so it feels really good. I just want to be healthy and happy in the new year. That would be huge for me..to feel good about myself. 

Speaking of..

Tomorrow I am going to talk to my doctor about anxiety meds. I have been down this road several times, but have never had a doctor I felt comfortable talking too about it. I want to be educated about the medications and I know that she will actually listen to me and help lead me down the right path med wise (if it comes to that) I realized that all of this medical shit going on (the heart stuff among other things) are all related to anxiety and anxiety attacks. I just want this resolved once and for all. The last few times I have gone on meds, the prescription was just shoved at me without them caring to give me the right one. And they all sucked and I just ended up going off of them. So hopefully it can get corrected. Does anyone have and medication advice? Bad ones? Good ones? i have heard that there are quite a few of them that make you gain weight..is that true?? Man i hope not. That seems counterproductive.

Ok, that is all for me.

Wake Up- Arcade Fire= awesome song to end a workout with…gives you that last push of energy =]