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So from time to time, I like to go back a year and see what I was writing about. I just went to do that, and there was nothing from a year ago. It takes me back to 2008.
I wish I could go back to 2008 Bri.
Anyways,
So it is the last week of classes, finals are next week. I really don’t have any grueling tests to take; I think I got off pretty easy this semester. I think I am just going to stay in college forever. Or at least that is how it feels sometimes. I had a meeting today for a class I am taking next semester which is pretty much just a placement class for Travel and Tourism internships. I was so overwhelmed after that meeting I am surprised I didn’t break out in hives. Yeah, it’s awesome. Getting the chance to go to Hawaii, the Maldives, basically anywhere amazing to work and get experience. Yeah I mean summer is still a ways off…but the WAY overwhelming part is that if I sign this form in January, it basically says that if I get placed, I will go. As soon as June. And I mean it is what I want. It’s my major. It’s my passion.
But of course in the back of my mind (not really in the back) is Josh. I came up here with nothing. I cut off everything at home, fresh start. So here I am up here not looking for anything, and I stumble across this guy that I am positive I am in love with. I mean I semi-brought it up today, interning I mean, and he was like, "want me to go with you?" Is that the attitude we will have about these things? Just a ‘no big deal’, I’ll go for you and you’ll go for me? I mean easier said than done. I mean I am completely getting ahead of myself. A lot can happen between now and then, but I cannot help but think about it. But say we are still together. Say I get my first choice and internship in Hawaii for the summer. I have never done the ‘going away for an extended period of time’ thing. The longest I have done is being in Hawaii for a few weeks…which is quite different than a few months. So yeah that was an eye opener today.
Back to things that are happening now…
The last 2 weeks have been a bit off. Not off off, just busy and not a lot of extra time I guess. Then silly me had to go and have a little too much wine last night…and when I say a little too much, I mean I accidentally had a bottle of wine for dinner. So yeah I was way drunk, by myself, sitting look
ing for reasons to get pissed off. Which in my opinion is the worst kind of intoxicated to be. So yeah I made a bit of a spectacle of myself in front of Josh, and I ended up storming out of his room, going back downstairs to cry and smoke out in the freezing weather alone. I have no fing idea what I was doing. Such an idiot. So I finally passed out around 2:30, woke up at 5:30 and could not get back to sleep. I think it was a mixture of feeling stupid, and not feeling well in general. So around 9 Josh texted me and I said I was sorry and felt really bad. It was a short string of messages, but I knew I had messed up. So yeah I was feeling dumb, and I called Erik. We were on the phone for almost 2 hours…just talking about nothing. It made me feel a lot better. Erik and my relationship is fantastic now. I think this is what we were always meant to be: good buds. I respect him so much that he can put everything aside, and listen to me rant about being psycho, or whatever the case may be for that day. And the best part is, he actually gives me advice. I am pretty sure there are still feelings on his end, but he has definitely accepted the fact that I am moved on and am happy. I think that is the best kind of EX you can hope for.
Ok I lost my focus. So yeah we are getting back ‘on track’ since school is wrapping up and everything, which has been nice. I mean it’s past the point now of just being carefree and acting like this is just a casual thing. But I still want to have that attitude. You know that feeling you have in the very beginning where nothing matters and everything just seems to go right. I say that like we have been dating forever. I just mean I need to stop worrying so much (what else is new) and just BE. It is just so easy for me to lose focus and start being stupid.
But I am falling hard and it is hard to just push that feeling aside and try to act indifferent. I swear every time I see this boy, my heart feels like it stops. I don’t know why these feelings are as intense as they are…is it the randomness of how we met? I don’t know. I don’t care.
Anyways.
So yeah next Friday I will be home for 3 weeks. Which is not as great as it should be. My brother is staying with my mom for a few months, so I have no room there. It does not feel like my home. I mean it sounds harsh, but I would way rather just stay up at school for break and just go home for Xmas. It would be very lonely, but at least I would have my own room and bed. And…What am I going to DO for 3 weeks there? Everyone has full time jobs (friends included)…sooo yeah. I am going to work out though. A lot. While I am home. A good thing about my mom buying the condo…access to a nice gym. That will prepare me for my gym pass next semester. I have not gained weight here, but I am very unhealthy. I feel like all I eat is the cup of noodle soup things. I think my body was seriously lacking vitamins and it made me really sick. So yeah not a good deal. Definitely have to start taking vitamins and trying to include more things in my diet. But hey, you try being clever with no freezer and only a microwave. (And being as picky of an eater as I am! ha-ha)
Wow this is getting lengthy. The guys are doing homework and I felt this would be a good way to pass some time.
I don’t really know what else I have to say really.
Oh, I fell down the stairs today. I was walking down to get a smoothie and I slipped and but bounced down 4 stairs. It is going to be one of those winters.
Oh well, I have gotten better and just getting up and laughing it off. 🙂
If anyone reading this has finals coming up, good luck!
I feel like this is the first entry in a long time that actually has a little bit of focus/organization! Ha-ha