Fill in the gaps

I wish it was that easy.

I love when I hear random people say they have been reading my stuff. I guess after the # of entries I have written it is hard to imagine new people reading.

anyways.

I completely quit taking my medication. It was making me feel totally numb all the time. So numb that nothing could make me cry or barely feel anything. I don’t know how good of judgement that is on my part, or how good of an idea it is to jsut do that, but I had to.

so that was like 3 or 4 weeks ago? since that I feel like my head has been put back together wrong. I break out into tears all the time, it is like everything makes me think about my dad-if I am driving or just watching a movie. something will trigger it.

I have been gearing myself up to just go to ft. snelling by myself and just sit with him. But then it comes time to get in my car and I can’t to it.

all of this may also have something to do with me leaving in a little over a week. i think panic and fear are mixing together. and sadness i guess. I am really going to miss my mom, and I dont want to come home to a place that is not this house.

I have been getting a lot of randoms these past couple weeks.

Ben called me for a week straight and I finally had lunch with him. It was fine.

like 5 months ago I deleted jimmy off of my FB and knew I would not think twice about never talking to him again. So then Friday I get a text from him out of nowhere that pretty much said ‘I think about you randomly and miss you’

Didn’t respond, and I wont respond. Knowing the ass clown he it, he probably mass texted that to about 10 different girls.

what a d bag.

Then Tim turi calls. I think I am meeting up with him this week. Hopefully that goes well. I will have to gear myself up to listen about his great relationship with charity.

I saw 500 Days of Summer. It was so good, but movies like that make me really sad. I want someone. someone like THAT. but movies are pretty much designed to make you feel like that.

That is all for my randomness right now.

I should lay off the wine before writing.

I am not staying for you.