the sex is on fire

I have just been going crazy.

I have been trying to distract myself from what the upcoming month brings and it seems there is only one other thing on my mind.

I have not told anyone thing but about a month or so ago, Ben came over and in short-wanted something to happen.

I stopped him only because of the baggage he currently has living with him and because I have pretty much had a thing for Ben since 6th grade.

His birthday was the the 17th which was the first time I had seen him since that night. He said some things that night sort of letting me know he is still thinking about it. I tried to talk to Ady about it but it was a little hard to do while we were there.

So last night I had a dream which was hard for me to grasp until I really gave it some thought. Tim was the guy in it but after I thought about it I realized it had to be about Ben. So I have been going over and over it in my head today and trying to figure out if I should pursue this and see what happens. I was thinking about calling him and having him come over Thursday to watch a movie. That way I will be moved back into my room and I dont know… Ady said he needed something to forget Amanda and maybe I was that something. Which I dont know if I will go that far, I think I just need that something too before I go out of my mind. And I mean it’s Ben…it’s not like it’s some guy I dont know or am forcing myself to be attracted to..and it’s not like it would be bad.

So yeah, tomorrow may bring in different thoughts, but to be honest, Ben has always been on my mind-everyone has that one person, right?