How?

I have been having more and more ‘hard days’

The days after the funeral and such, I felt nothing-blankness.

Now I still feel that way, but not everyday.

Last Sunday I walked out on my deck, sat down and just started crying. I sat and stared at the sky and just cried.

Tuesday I was watching a movie and it just hit me. I literally cried myself to sleep. I woke up and looked like I got punched in the face. I mean I curled up with his sweatshirts and just sobbed.

How can I have a birthday tomorrow? How can I have it without my dad?

I don’t even know how I am being expected to go out tonight and act like every other 22 year old.

You told me not to let things scare me, what do i do now?

I can’t do this without you.

We were in Hawaii 3 months ago. 3 months!! How can everything change so fast? How can people get taken from you? how can that little boy have had 2 heart transplants in a WEEK and my dad couldn’t get one? Why did I have to hold my dad’s hand while they unhooked the machines and that boy got 2 chances? Why can’t everyone get a chance? dad?

Please come home.