i wish it was raining

I have been having some pretty crazy dreams as of late.

When I can actually fall asleep that is.

most of the time my dreams have my dad in them, so they feel like I am awake and living the life I should be living.

Other times they are just plain off the wall.

I had an odd dream about Tim Turi last night that I really felt like writing about, but now not so much. the last thing I remember from it was "I wish is was raining right now"

I have a meeting with the ‘Donate Life’ people on Wendesday so I can officially become a volunteer. I am really excited for that. I haven’t felt this passionate about something in a long time. I hope it will occupy a lot of my time so I can quit the Dunn bros job I just got.

My birthday is on saturday. I don’t want anything. I want my dad to walk in the door and yell "BRILEA!!"

It makes me mad when I see other peoples parents who are all drugged out and have nothing to live for..and they get to keep celebrating birthdays and fathers days. It isn’t fair. Selfish to think that, I know. But you would too.

my ‘hard days’ have been happening more frequently. Saturday I walked out to my deck, sat down and just cried, hard. instead of going out friday, I wish I could just bring my cake and go sit with my dad all night. No one would let me ‘not celebrate’ my birthday. I don’t know why, no one can really make it anyway. At least my mom is coming for awhile.

I don’t want to work anymore, I just want to work for this organization and feel like i am actually making an impact on something.