Back where I never wanted to be

So I have been back now for about a week. It has been a non stop whirlwind of emotions. The day we got back, my dad moved out.

Getting out of bed, or even attempting a normal day has been a struggle. One moment I am fine, the next moment I am crying without really realizing it.

I am back at this stage, somewhere I never wanted to be again.

I haven’t really been talking to anyone. Erik and I have said about 5 minutes worth or words to eachother. The only person I have really been talking to is my sister.

My mom sent all of us kids an e-mail today saying that my dad asked her to go to counseling with him. She is going to. I have been in tears non-stop since I read that. This is exactly what happened last time. He moved out and like a week later he was here eating dinner. My mom said that he isn’t moving back, but that she just wants to see how counseling goes. I know they have been married for almost 30 years, but I cannot understand this descion.

I dont want to hear all of the ‘advice’ I have been hearing out this today. ‘you have to look at it through her eyes"

I DID THAT LAST TIME! and look what happened!!

I made an app with the same therapist I saw last time. I never wanted a good reason to go back, but I guess I have it now.

I am so sad.

I told my mom what I though about it, what else can I do

everything is just to messed up

sigh

I found this in my earlier entries

this was a year after it happened the first time

Tomorrow marks one year. it was one year ago tomorrow that I found out my dad was having an affair. One year ago tomorrow when my life changed in a heart beat.

But I look back over the past year, and yeah I slipped for awhile. But now I could never be back there again. I am proud of myself for getting help and getting over this.