Butterfly

It’s been a month since we moved, and already Noah has a whole big network of friends here. I really have no idea how he does that. And in my other relationships I was always the more social one, and that’s comfortable for me, so sometimes it annoys me a bit to be with such a fucking social butterfly like Noah.

I tend to have a lot of sort-of-friends, and a few close friends at any given time. Noah is more the type where even his casual acquaintances feel like he’s their best friend, so he has people calling and texting him constantly. And he really does spend a lot of time with me, and I honestly don’t have any real complaints in that way, but I somehow always feel like I’m pulling his time away from lots of other people, or like I’m competing for his attention or something.

There’s a girl at his new job who is definitely into him, and texts him all the time. He hasn’t done anything to make me at all suspicious of him, and I know he’s trying to navigate the situation without causing drama, because they work together, but it annoys me that she’s on his phone. I’m used to girls going after him (he’s really good-looking, and overly nice to everyone, and that sometimes gets him some random stalker-girls), but I don’t like that she works with him. It’s not even that I really think he would do anything with this girl (she’s very much not his type) but I just don’t really like it when he’s hanging out with Baby and me and she’s texting him. Ugh.

And his ability to get himself a whole huge social network within a few weeks of moving makes me feel like a total loser. I’ve gone to some meetup group type things, and I have some people to hang out with, but really only one actually close friend here, and that’s someone I knew before moving, and rarely actually hang out with. Don’t normal people need a bit of time to form close friendships?? I don’t understand how he’s instant best friends with everyone.

Sometimes the fact that he’s so nice to everyone makes me feel like the way he is with me is less special. Which is stupid. He doesn’t tell other people he loves them. He’s not planning a wedding with anyone else, he isn’t raising babies with other people. I know he loves me. But if everyone in his life feels like they’re his best most important friend, then it kind of makes it so no one is really all that special, if that makes sense.

I don’t really have a point. I don’t want him to have fewer friends, I don’t need him to spend more time with me. I guess it just sometimes bothers me just how close he seems to get with ALL his friends. I don’t think I’m making sense.

Wedding is in just over a month. I still don’t know how I feel about it.