Nothing

I feel like I don’t ever have anything to write about in here anymore. So I’ll just do random life update bullet points, I guess.

– Baby is 8 months old already. How the fuck did that happen?? And that means it’s starting to come up on her first birthday, and I originally thought a year was the longest I’d stay home with her. Now I’m not really sure. I know she could handle daycare but I still want to be with her all day. I don’t know. I don’t feel ready to work yet because I know I’d just be counting down the hours until I could see my baby again.

– Wedding planning is still going, but it’s weird. Mostly just weird for me, Noah is totally happy about it and mostly oblivious to how fucked up I am over the whole situation. Every time I make any little step forward with Noah, I feel like I’m getting farther from being able to be with Mike, but every time I DON’T take a step forward with Noah, that feels like a decision, too. So I feel like I end up making these decisions multiple times a day, and I still don’t really know what to do. The wedding date st just over 2 months away. If I want a good dress I have to order it now. But if I order it then I feel like I can’t back out.

– The gay couple who asked me to have their baby found a surrogate. I really hope it works out for them…I’ve heard of so many situations where that ends up being a complete mess. So fingers crossed for that.

– Jess (my best friend) has been weird with me lately. I’m not sure why, and I asked her if anything was wrong and she said no. And she’s usually really honest with me, but she’s clearly acting weird, so I don’t know what’s up.

– Noah heard about a job opening in another city. It’s a really good job, pays quite a bit more than his current job, and they’re really interested in him, apparently. I’m not sure how I feel about it.

– I’ve lost almost all the baby weight. Not in a healthy way. I don’t really want to talk about that but I should probably just admit it here, at least.

– Lately I’ve been really missing my mom, a lot. I know I’d be crazy to actually contact her and bring her back into my life in any way, but still…I think about it a lot.

– My bullet points are making me sound depressed. I’m not. Life is good, really.

– Baby is awesome. She has such a little personality, she smiles and flirts with everyone, and is just really happy so much of the time. And she waves and points, which none of the other babies her age seem to do, so I’ve decided she’s a genius baby. 🙂

– I’m not sure what else to put here. All my entries are totally boring lately.

You know you can always write about your situation with Kevin and Benji to me, I am always here to listen, despite my fucked up little situation going on lol. I’ve been meaning to email you, just so much drama and I am just wore the heck out, thus why I haven’t written here either… Hope things stay good for you!

lol Mike, you know what I meant. These drugs I’m on right now are fucking with my head (medicinal drugs lol)

RYN: Thanks for reading it all 🙂 I would tend to agree about the bipolar, if nothing else she is just batshit crazy. I mean how can over 30 people who don’t even know her all form the same opinion of her based on facts and her actions, and all of them be wrong? Obviously it’s not just me that thinks she is off. Now I just need to manage to separate myself from her completely and not lether suck me back in, she seems to be very good at that.

Haha, even though you were writing this as I was typing my note, Im taking ALL the credit for getting you to post an entry! 😉 And… Im not going to be hovering over ya or pretending to be a parent or anything, I know your a smart lady who who took care of the baby weight the way she chose too. Even if a bit unhealthy. That said, be honest with us if ya keep doing something unhealthy with your weight so we can express our concern 😉 Being greedy of course cause I want to keep ya around for a VERY long time.

RYN: What do you mean what happened last night? Sam is a Canadian friend of mine, very close friend, met her on here about 11 years or so ago. POF is plentyoffish.com

RYN: Oh lol no…she promised me lots of naked pictures if I did. Lol and then sent me some teassers. She knows how to motivate me lol. If Sam and I hooked up it would be EPIC! There would be like 5 entries devoted to nothing but that event(s). It may actually happen end of next month, it’s a long shot, but it’s possible.

RYN: No, it doesn’t… It goes horribly bad. She has royally fucked me up mentally. Of course I saw it happening, ignored my friends, and let it happen, even played along with her games because I was so desperate so I don’t know which is worse!