Fights

I really, really hate fighting with Noah. But we’ve been doing a lot of it lately, all on the same topic….he wants to get married right away, and I want to wait a little while. And I’m really fucking sick of arguing with him about it. I feel like getting married should be a happy thing, not a thing that I have to get argued into doing.

He says it’s frustrating that we’re living together, raising a child together, and basically doing everything that a married couple would do, without actually being married. I think that if we’re doing all those things, then why the rush to get married? What is it he’s missing out on by waiting a while?

I don’t think either of us are right or wrong, it just comes down to what each of us wants, and we’re at odds. But fighting about it doesn’t help. I asked him if he really wants to feel like the only reason we’re getting married is because he wore me down, and he said he of course doesn’t want that, he wants me to just make up my mind to do it, but he feels like if he doesn’t push for it I’d just be content to stay the way we are without ever getting married, and that’s not what he wants.

And every time we fight, he manages to make me feel like complete crap, like my wanting not to rush into getting married is some personality flaw on my part. I hate it. I hate it when he fights mean.

It’s frustrating. I know SO many guys who don’t give a crap about getting married, and would be thrilled to be with a girl who is ok with just living together, having lots of sex, and not pushing for a wedding. I mean, I thought it was usually the girl who is freaking out about wanting to walk down the aisle, and the guy does it to make her happy, not the other way around.

Ugh, I don’t know what to do. I know it hurts him when I tell him I want to wait. I don’t want to hurt him…I love him. I know he’s trying to do everything right, and take care of me and Baby, and in his mind getting married is part of that, I think. And so in a way it’s like I’m not allowing him to be who he wants to be. Or something like that. I don’t know, it’s hard to fully understand where he’s coming from when he keeps fucking yelling at me about it.

I don’t know what to do, really. I’m just sick of fighting.

Being married isn’t just about making it official or putting it on paper. It’s about declaring your love for each other. It’s about making a lifetime commitment. It’s about making a promise to stay together through good and bad, until death do you part. Like buying a car, the deal isn’t sealed until the paper is signed.

I’m not saying you should rush into it, just trying to give his side. What if you both wrote some vows and without officially getting married, make those vows to each other until you are ready for the big white gown.

It’s obviously not a good thing to argue about on his part. You have to remember though, from his point of view, he is ready to settle down, wants a family, and to him the “family” won’t be complete with out marriage. Obviously he doesn’t know you have doubts and other reasons not to get married right away. Take it from me – Getting married for the sake of getting married is NOT a good thing! I can see where he is coming from though, if I was in that situation I would want it too. Maybe to him beyond just wanting the family he is tired of not being able to introduce you as his wife. Maybe he is not intentionally making you feel like it’s a personality flaw, I think he just buys into the “norm” the way society says it should go, he was probly raised that way. Plus I bet he is kinda wondering what the hold up is, and may be getting suspicious as to why you don’t want to marry him? Just some things to consider!