Advice for a new mom

So, a friend on here asked for those of us with babies to write an entry with advice that she can pass on to a new mom-to-be, so that’s what this is. 🙂 I’m not sure 6 months of being a mom is enough to give me any sort of wisdom or anything that I can pass along to someone else, but I do think that in spite of not having a clue what to do, I’m actually a pretty good mom. So here are my thoughts…

I became a mother totally by accident. The pregnancy was a surprise, and I really wasn’t sure up until that point whether I ever wanted to have kids. I have no family, very few friends with kids….basically no support system to start with. It’s just me, and a guy who also had no clue about how to take care of a baby, and also has no family to help. But somehow it works….and that’s probably the biggest thing I’d say to any woman who has any sort of apprehension or uncertainty about her ability to be a mother: you know how to be a mother already. You just don’t realize it yet.

So mainly I would just say, trust your instincts. They’re powerful, and they’re usually right.

Let’s see, what else…

Oh. Breastfeeding is HARD! It’s "the most natural thing in the world" and all, but it takes practice. Be prepared for it to be hard, because it’s easy to get lulled into complacency when you read about it, or talk about it in childbirth class or whatever. It is absolutely fine and normal for your milk to take a few days to come in, and it’s also fine and normal for the baby to lose 10% of its body weight in the first few days. The baby doesn’t need to get calories yet, so just practice breastfeeding technique and don’t let doctors freak you out and think you have to give formula if you don’t want to.

It’s hard in the beginning, but once you get the hang of it, it really IS easy and the most natural thing in the world. It just takes some work to get there.

And now that I said all that, here’s the other thing. Breastfeeding is great, if you can do it. If you can’t, and you give your baby formula, it will be just fine. Make the choices you want about feeding, sleeping, etc., and anyone who thinks they have a right to an opinion on those choices isn’t worth your time. (and people WILL have opinions. Lots of them. And feel the need to express those opinions, frequently. Ignore it…you’re the mom, you know what’s best for your own baby)

Other things…

It’s not possible to "spoil" a baby by holding and loving on it too much. Babies don’t know how to be manipulative, they just cry when they need something. Being held and loved is a need. I really think it’s as simple as that.

Sleeping….just do what works, and get as much sleep as you can. If you find a way for everyone to get some sleep, just go with it. For the first few months, my baby slept in her stroller. Only her stroller. And I worried constantly that I was setting her up for a lifetime of sleep issues. Now she sleeps in her crib just fine. I guarantee those months of stroller-sleeping will have absolutely zero effect on her in the long term, and they allowed me to get a bit of much-needed sleep.

Read lots of baby books while you’re pregnant, get as prepared and planned as you can, but take everything in them with a grain of salt. Babies haven’t read those books and don’t always cooperate with our plans.

Here’s the most important thing…

There’s nothing anyone can say that will in any way prepare you for how much you’ll love your baby. It’s completely overwhelming, and you can’t possibly understand it until you’re there. It’s a crazy level of vulnerability, caring so much about this tiny, fragile person and knowing you’re solely responsible for its well-being. You’ll be able to spend hours staring at your baby’s eyelashes and being totally fascinated. Motherhood is scary, and weird, and completely wonderful. I highly recommend it. 🙂