Rolling

Baby is trying SO hard to roll over lately. I’m guessing she could probably roll from her front to her back, if she’d ever actually let me set her on her tummy. But she’s trying to roll from back to front (why she is trying so hard to do this, when she screams at the suggestion of "tummy time," is kind of a mystery). She can get her lower half turned all the way around, and her upper body sort of halfway over, but she can’t figure out what to do with her little shoulder to get it out of the way.

And she gets very mad about this. I think she finds it slightly undignified to flail around on the floor.

Noah and I are…I don’t know. Ok. I’m being kind of distant with him at the moment, because I don’t feel like everything is just peachy between us, but he keeps wanting to talk about it and get me to open up, and sitting and having a conversation about my feelings is not really my favorite activity. So I’m distracting him with sex, mostly, or just kind of changing the subject. I’ll have to have a talk with him at some point, but I need to actually figure out how I feel before I do that.

Thinking I should probably get in to see my therapist pretty soon.

It sucks, because he totally gets that he screwed up by acting all angry and violent around me, but he didn’t really do anything wrong that he needs to apologize for, and I don’t want to make him feel worse about it than he already does, but it really is still affecting me. This morning he said something a little bit loud, not in an angry way at all, just loud, and I jumped like crazy. He feels really awful that I’m jumpy and weird around him, but I don’t know how to change that, and he doesn’t really know what to do or say to make it better. I really hate it that I’m treating him like he hurt me in some way, when he didn’t do a thing to me. It’s not fair at all. But I don’t know how to be different.

Some days I feel like I just suck at relationships. Some days I wonder if it’s that the one I’m in isn’t quite right. Some days things are good and I feel like I’m marrying a man who could really make me happy. I’m not sure which days I should listen to.