Teenagers

Quick note from last entry…

Thank you!! I thought for sure I’d get a lot of judgmental notes for that one, but I didn’t, at all. Mostly just support, understanding, and one note telling me that all the others would probably be judgmental. 🙂 So thanks for "getting" me, everyone.

Anyway…

I was thinking yesterday about just how much I do not want to have a teenage girl. My baby girl is sweet, and beautiful, and perfect, and she doesn’t hate me yet. I want her to stay that way! I think part of what’s scary about the prospect of having a teenage girl is that I remember being a teenage girl. I remember what I was doing. And while not every girl has the same experience I did, it’s pretty rare for a girl to make it to age 20 or so without at any point having completely hated her body, cared way too much what boys think of her, tried too hard to fit in, etc. I know that no matter how much love I give Baby, and how much she knows I’m here for her, she won’t really give a crap about any of that if a group of friends shuns her, or if a boy she likes rejects her.

How in the world is anyone supposed to raise a confident, healthy girl in this society?

And how am I supposed to protect her? My instinct is to want to basically keep her locked away where the rest of the world can’t get to her, but of course I can’t do that. I have to let her learn about life sometime. But how much do I protect her innocence? I don’t want to have a sheltered and naive child who suddenly learns about the hard things in life in a sudden, traumatic moment. But I also want to let her be a kid for as long as possible….I never really got to be a kid, and I want that for her. So how do I find a balance, letting her have an innocent childhood, while still preparing her for the reality of the world?

I’m scared to death of when she starts asking me about boys, and sex, and all that. I don’t think I’d be all that uncomfortable giving the "sex talk," but how am I supposed to tell her about what’s normal, and right, when my life in that regard has been anything but normal and right? I feel like I can talk to her really confidently about not doing drugs, because I can tell her in complete honesty that I’ve never even tried anything. But how can I talk to her about sex, and waiting, and all that? Do I just lie??

I’m holding her right now in one arm, typing with the other. She’s asleep, and snoring just a tiny bit, and the most peaceful, adorable thing in the world. I want to cry when I think about how someday she won’t be innocent like this, that someone will hurt her, she’ll make mistakes and have to live with the consequences….I really hate it that I can’t protect her forever.

Hey, I’ve read your last few entries but, for some reason, just lurked. I like your diary. Your honesty is really refreshing. As for The Talk, I dunno. It’s different with little kids, I suppose but I teach teens and I always just answer honestly. If they’re old enough to ask, they are old enough for an honest answer – that’s my policy. It’s tough but I’m sure you’ll do a great job x

My middle daughter was my first baby and even at this young age she’s learning hard things about life. I think the hardest thing lately was sending her to school after that school shooting at sandy hook. I can’t keep her home but how do I send her off without me knowing that something COULD happen. Parenting is rough, but you can’t focus on that or you will miss all the good parts.

I’m not a parent but I like to think that I would simply encourage my child to come to me with any questions they have and answer them openly and honestly. I think a big issue with most teenagers is they don’t trust their parents because of catching them in lies and what not. If you make yourself the person they turn to for answers, maybe they’re less likely to be corrupted? Or maybe I am just thinking too logically…

RYN: That’s how we do it (separate savings accounts), but I’m talking about even her getting gas or groceries, etc. She needs to know if there is enough money in the account.

You have a looking time before you have to worry about any of that. You will figure it out as you go along. You will develop into the parent YOU want and need to be for her and as long as you keep communication open and honest (not in an overly graphic way) you will be fine and she will be fine. Don’t forget her dad is a part of that too. He can tell her how destructive drugs can be from personal

experience and you can tell her how much better it is to be with someone in an intimate way when you love them (boy or girl doesn’t matter, but love does) and they love you in return. I don’t think lying is a good idea, but finding a positive lesson or spin is a good way to teach from experience in my experience. But like I said, you have a looking wait before you have to face any of that.