Sad

I wanted to write something yesterday about the awful shooting in CT, but I couldn’t think of what to say. For some reason, this one is hitting me hard. It’s sad any time I hear about shootings and terrible things, but usually I’m able to just say "ugh, people suck" and put it out of my mind. This time, I can’t stop thinking about it.

I think it’s the age….who the hell would target 5-year-olds? They’re still babies. They’re completely innocent and adorable, and I just can’t handle it. I can’t handle any bit of it, thinking about the beautiful little lives lost, or the ones who are thankfully still alive but saw the whole thing and will be forever changed because of it, or the parents who dropped their kids off at school that morning, not having a clue that they wouldn’t be able to pick them back up at the end of the day.

It makes me want to lock my door, bar up the windows, and never, ever let my baby out of my sight.

When tragedies happen, it’s natural to look for the good. When someone dies after a battle with cancer, we say "at least she’s not in pain anymore." When someone dies fighting in a war, we say "he died fighting for something he believed in." For this tragedy, there isn’t any good. There’s no way to spin it. It’s just awful, and senseless, and there’s not really anything comforting to be said.

There’s a quote that a friend posted yesterday that stuck with me (from Mr. Rogers, of all people):

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world."

Thankfully my baby isn’t old enough to know anything about this, where I’d have to figure out a way to explain it to her. But if she was, I think I would want to say something like this. That for every horrible, evil thing that happens, there is still so much good in people.

Anyway, I don’t really have anything new to say about the news, but I felt weird not saying anything because it’s on my mind. If nothing else, it’s a reminder to hold my baby tightly for as long as I can, and see every day I spend with her as a gift.