Fine

Noah and I had our little "couples date" with Josh (the guy I met at playgroup) and his wife, and it was fine. It was kind of awkward, but ok.

The wife and I have very little in common, and Josh and Noah didn’t really seem likely to become good friends or anything. So we just kind of talked about our babies for a short time, and that was it. The good thing is that I now have Noah’s blessing to hang out with him.

After they left, he said something like "well, that was kind of awkward. Do we have to do that again?" And I kind of agreed with him, and said that Josh was the only person at playgroup that I actually liked, but I thought it might be weird to hang out with him alone. Noah said if I didn’t feel weird about it, it was fine with him, that he knows I don’t make friends with girls that easily and it doesn’t bother him for me to hang out with other guys, as long as it’s clearly not a date or something.

So I guess that’s good. It’s just so weird, because a few months ago that’s exactly how I would have expected him to react, but then he went through the weird jealous phase while I was pregnant and I’m still not really sure what that was all about, so I think I’m a little apprehensive with him right now or something.

Maybe it was some weird hormonal reaction to my pregnancy? Because I’ve heard that sometimes men can have actual physical symptoms when their wife or girlfriend is pregnant, and I swear it’s like he was a different person for a few months. The Noah I knew for the last couple years, and at the beginning of our relationship, was totally confident and secure and wouldn’t bat an eye at me having male friends. But then for a little while he was all insecure and weird, and didn’t even want me hanging out with another girl because he thought her husband was checking me out.

I feel like I don’t know which is the "real" Noah. If he’s actually always insecure, but just usually hides it well and wasn’t hiding it as well for a while? Or if the insecurity was just a phase.

At any rate, I’m going to take it at face value that he doesn’t mind me hanging out with Josh, and try not to worry about it. I think I’m mostly just scared to really believe that I have the old Noah back, and I keep worrying that the other side of him is going to resurface again.