38 weeks & Maternity Pics

*Okay, I wrote all of this on Monday and it won’t let me get on very well on my phone anymore, so I actually pulled out the laptop to get it down.  It’s Friday now and I turned 38 weeks on Wednesday!  12 more days. =) 

Here’s what I wrote Monday:

 

I’m alive!  And still very, very pregnant. =)

 

I have actually written two entries since the last one that’s showing up here, but OD has chosen my diary to be one of the finicky ones that hardly works, so they are just getting saved to my computer for now.  I’ve been able to log on a little easier the last few days, so I’ll attempt another post!

 

A few things have happened since I wrote last, now I just have to remember what they were. =)  The baby shower was great!  Pretty much all of my family and Bryan’s family showed up (minus his parents, of course).  Emily had a horrific cold the day prior and was still feeling it that day, then the shower was at the same time as her nap and so she had to skip her nap.  She had a meltdown in the car on the way there which is VERY unlike her.  I can’t even remember the last time she cried in her car seat.  She didn’t even have a reason to cry..she didn’t ask for anything and she didn’t want anything..she just didn’t feel great and she was tired, so she cried. =(  But she was great at the party.  You couldn’t tell she hadn’t had a nap and didn’t feel well, lol.  She was so happy to get to spend time with my mom and sister and Jack and Samantha that she didn’t have time to think about it. =)  And she doesn’t cling to me like glue when they’re around which is a really nice break right now.  Usually I am all about spending 100% attention and time with her when I can..but I will honestly admit it was a really nice break having everyone else entertain her and just watching her be happy and play. 

 

My sister even said she’s going to try to bring Jack and Samantha over on Halloween to go trick-or-treating with Emily!!  That seriously makes me so happy I could cry.  The c-section is on the 30th, so I will obviously still be in the hospital on Halloween.  We were going to have my mom and Bryan bring her to the hospital so I could see her, get pictures of her and Caden together in their costumes, and then have them try to take her trick-or-treating.  There was probably a pretty good chance that she would just want to stay with me and not go..and then cry when time to leave.  Which I know is just really going to upset me.  If my sister and the kids AND my mom are there, she’s not going to care about ditching her ma in the hospital, lol!  It’s the best-case scenario.  And it won’t make the introduction of Caden into her life this huge thing that’s keeping mommy away from her.  She’s just going to be so happy they’re all there that she won’t focus on me being gone for a few days.  I really hope it can all work out that way.

 

Emily’s cold is finally starting to fade and I’ve been stuffed up for the past few days too, but at least it’s happening BEFORE Caden gets here.  Emily’s top and bottom two-year molars are all the way in on her right side and have yet to start on her left.  She was up one to two times a night for a few weeks there and has finally started sleeping through the night again, which has been glorious.  I need a lot of sleep again lately.  I slept 10 hours on Saturday night and I swear I still could have napped later in the day, lol.  And since Caden is as breach as he can be and not putting a ton of pressure on my bladder, I don’t even wake up to pee at night which is nice.  I do have to flip a lot still and it is ridiculous how long it takes for me to turn over.  I’m slightly ashamed at myself how often I wish this pregnancy to be at its end.  It would be one thing if I didn’t have a two-year-old who wants me to carry her everywhere lately.  It’s all about mama and no one else is allowed to touch her but me most of the time, lol.  I can’t wait until I’m healed from the c-section and can play without all the physical discomfort. 

 

As excited as I am for it

to come to an end so I can meet my little man and get my body back, I will need every day of the next 15 days to get ready.  It’s mainly work stuff that I just need the time to finish.  I finally started packing my hospital bag last night though!  I was trying to remember what I really wanted last time that I didn’t have and I couldn’t think of anything.  Honestly, pillows for some reason seem like the most important thing to me, lol.  I need a lot of pillows to be comfortable right now.  I want to bring my body pillow and two regular pillows…and then the boppy for breastfeeding, of course, lol.  It’s going to look like I’m moving in.  But if I have to be there a few days, I might as well be comfortable.  I could give a rat’s ass what I end up wearing or looking like, as long as I have enough pillows, I’m good. =D

 

The breast pump I ordered through my insurance was delivered a week ago or so (Medela Freestyle backpack!) and I love it. I haven’t used it yet, of course, but the one I used with Emily was my sisters and it got a LOT of use and was on its last leg when I stopped using it.  I’m really glad I was able to get a new one!  It’s a little early to do it, but I got all the Medela bottles out last night and sterilized them and figured out how I wanted them configured on the countertop this time, etc.  I threw away all the bottles and everything we used with Emily because the idea of plastic breaking down and then being reused with another baby freaked me out..so I bought all new bottles for when I go back to work as well. 

 

We set up the bassinet in our room, even though I’m really not sure what our sleeping arrangements are going to be.  I also bought one of those foam bumper things that goes along the side of your bed, under the sheet, and makes it so the baby doesn’t fall off the bed.  It hasn’t come in the mail yet, but I’m slightly uncomfortable with the idea of him laying that close to something like that too.  So..I don’t know what will happen.  I’m just going to do whatever works best when we come home. =)  I think I will try to get him to sleep in the bassinet as much as possible, but if it doesn’t work out, like with Emily, then I’m not going to force it and make us both miserable.  It feels like there’s less pressure this time, because even though Emily’s sleep was screwed up for the longest time and she had a really difficult first few months (okay, year) of life, she sleeps well now for the most part, unless there’s an obvious problem.  So it’s nice knowing it’s not this never-ending phase.  It WILL pass. =)  I’m very into wanting to enjoy all the little baby things that I’m probably never going to experience again.

 

Ugh..while on the one hand I am completely and utterly in love with the cameras we have in our home now, I feel like we are never going to find a nanny that is completely up to our standards and that is very frustrating to watch.  Last week I turned it on and Emily was sitting up on top of the credenza, sitting right in front of the TV (hello, dangerous) and the nanny was just kicked back on the couch with her feet up.  And she stayed up there for a few minutes.. I was like WTF!?  I took a picture of it and sent it to Bryan and it freaked him out:

 

Emily perched in front of the TV and it’s hard to see the nanny because she’s wearing black but those are her socks on the couch.  Yeah..there’s that.  Not only that, but that was a Friday and she only watches Emily like 2 hours MAX on Fridays, usually less.  She watched TV for over an hour even though I made it clear that I didn’t want her watching TV.  I mean, she didn’t lie about it.  I came home and she told me, without me even asking, that they watched TV for an hour, like it was no big deal.  I didn’t know what to say.  I mean, she is usually really good with Emily and I was so thankful we chose her, but there’s just some things that rub me wrong.  Some days she is so, so great with her and I love watching them interact, and other days she’s just not with it as much.  She’s not ignoring Emily at least like the last nanny..but jesus, what a way to set a standard.  Oh, it’s not as bad as the nanny, so that makes it okay?  I don’t know where to draw the line.  There’s other little stuff too, like the nanny is eating our food and junk, which we never mentioned anything about..but if we’re paying you a ton of money I don&r

squo;t want to buy your food too.  She is late a lot.  Tomorrow Bryan has to take the day off work because she has a four-hour appointment she can’t change suddenly?  When we hired her for the position she said she was available every day.  It’s just..ugh. 

 

She is very interactive with her most of the time though.  They are playing with Play-Doh right now. She talks to her a lot, is on the floor actually playing with her the majority of the time.  Some days I feel like I’m asking too much and others not enough.  I just want a consistent person who doesn’t think the job is coming to my house and chilling until I get home.  I am honestly looking forward so much to Emily going to pre-school because I know she will be in a learning environment for a portion of the day and I don’t have to stress about doing it all myself.  Though, Bryan has been working with her on her ABCs in the mornings now and Emily’s vocabulary has definitely increased and become more clear in the past month, which could be contributed to that and more interaction with the nanny too.

 

I am just so physically exhausted and it’s hard on the many days when I know Bryan did nothing with her in the morning, and then the nanny doesn’t do that much with her either.  So I work all day long and I’m freaking exhausted and sore and my back is killing me, but I need to get Emily out.  So I take her to the park a few times a week and she insists I carry her up hills and every time she sees a dog or a scary person I have to pick her up.  I swear to you if there was a head in my pelvis my water would have broken already and Caden would be here just from the stress I put my body through trying to keep up.  I won’t even mention the fact I had to bounce Emily to sleep for her naps this weekend.  *sigh*

 

Sorry, that turned into a pity party, lol!  I was thinking last night how I can’t wait for the hospital stay in a lot of ways.  The thought that I will be on pain meds and feeling good and have a cute little baby to hold and make baby noises at, the fact that Bryan will be going home at night to do Emily’s night routine and I will get to be all by myself, alone in the hospital…by myself…alone…forced to stay pretty immobile and take it easy…it sounds like a fucking luxury vacation, lol.  I know it will be fleeting because I will be tired and Caden might be cranky and all that, but just to be able to, in the middle of the day even, before anyone else gets there and Caden is sleeping, to close my eyes and not do a thing?  I don’t remember what that feels like.  I am going to enjoy every second my family visits and Emily is there, but I can see myself very much savoring those moments where it’s just Caden and I in the hospital. 

 

Bryan’s 30th birthday is on Wednesday.  The gift he wanted had to be pre-ordered so I had to tell him about it some time ago..so I’m not really sure what we’re going to do that day. =/  We didn’t do anything on my birthday either so I’m not going to feel extremely horrible about it, lol, but it would be nice to do something.  I’m obviously going to give him a cake and all that jazz, but the present he preordered is as expensive as hell and he’s not getting anymore presents. 

 

I’ll be 38 weeks Wednesday as well.  Two.more.weeks.

 

I could find other things to blather on about, but if I’m going to get around to posting this, I need to do it now.

Here’s our maternity pics, in no specific order!  I like how they turned out!  Can’t wait to see his newborn pics. =)

 

 

 

 

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