12 weeks!

Well, I made it to 12 weeks!  That’s a good sign..but of course these next few weeks are the scariest for me.  I’m suprisingly very calm this pregnancy though.  Can you believe I haven’t been to the emergency room even once!?  I’d had like 6 ultrasounds and at least three emergency visits at this point in my pregnancy with Emily.  I’ve only seen one grainy little ultrasound in this pregnancy so far!  It made it harder to connect at first, but I’m definitely feeling connected and excited now.  I picked up the heartbeat nice and strong yesterday (I check about once a week) and I’m starting to actually wonder what it will be like having TWO children.  TWO.  Holy crap.

I’m full of happy, feel-good emotions today. =) We were playing with Emily earlier, pretending to eat her cute little cheeks and she was giggling and smiling and so happy.  She looked up at me and (this is going to sound crazy to a lot of people) the look in her eyes was the exact look I used to see when she was breastfeeding.  It made me really excited and look forward to doing it agian.  But she just looked so happy and content and her little eyes looking at me just reminded me of those moments.  *melt* There’s a lot of stuff I’m really scared about, but it’s not about the new baby at all, it’s about how Emily will react or how she will feel.  I know we’ll get through it though.  I know there is going to be moments that I cry and feel awful about how I think she’s feeling..but I know we’ll get through them and be all right.

Emily is such a dream when we are at home or walking outside in the neighborhood, but my goodness she is DEFINITEY approaching the terrible twos and shows it when we are out!  She’s fine walking around stores and whichever, but the minute you have to leave is when it starts.  She will try and walk the other way and I’ll redirect her and she just screams and tries to lay on the floor.  MY baby!  This is so not like her, lol.  It’s a tad embarrasing, but most people seem to just think it’s amusing.  Which it sort of is 😉 except for the fact that she’s upset.  I just crouch down and tell her she can walk the way we are going or I will pick her up and carry her.  Only once has she made the right decision and I told her I was so proud when she did, lol..but every other time she’ll stand up and dart the other way and I’ll just pick her up as she flales about and carry her to the car.  Good times, I tell you, lol.  She’s fine once we get to the car and it only lasts for a minute, but maaann.  She loves to walk on her own and she is so independent.  I am happy to let her walk, but she’s got to follow directions if I need her to and she’s not there.  I figure we’re being consistent and giving her a chance to do the right thing, so she’ll figure out the end result happens every time eventually and that will be that…I hope. =)

I keep saying I think she’s teething her second-year molars a little early, but I don’t know.  She’s fighting sleep a little again.  Not too bad, but it’s different this time.  Our new routine, so Bryan doesn’t have to fall asleep in the living room, is he comes and wakes me up when he’s ready to come to sleep and then I carry Emily to her crib.  She never has woken up to him walking in the room.  It’s not loud at all.  But she woke up last night and screamed and cried.  He had to go bounce her.  At least it only took ten minutes.  But the night before he came to bed and when I tried to pick her up she wasn’t in a deep sleep at all, so I just laid down and waited for her to fall into a deeper sleep.  She tossed and turned all.night.long and I couldn’t get her in her crib until 4am!  It felt like I woke up a hundred times that night.  And if I don’t get her in her crib before the sun comes up she will wake up whenever she notices light is in the room, whereas she’ll sleep later in her room because there’s a blackout curtain.  But oh well, just another phase I suppose.

We went to the children’s museum friday afternoon and there are some nasty little kids out there!  Emily got super attached to this plastic whale figurine in the water exhibit and was carrying it around and hugging it and some like 4-year-old girl (who should know better) walked up and took it right out of her hand.  And it’s not like a 22-month-old can defend herself.  She looked really hurt.  So I went over and grabbed it back…lol.  Bad mom, whatever. =P If she was old enough I would have told her to go take it back.  Then another kid in another area, probably the same age as Emily roughly, was pushing other kids really hard and trying to push them down the slide.  Emily is scared to go down the slide by herself, as were a lot of the other little kids, and he would get behind them and shove them really hard.  Other kids were crying and his mom just didn’t seem to care.  I try not to be judgmental and I know some kids are more difficult than others and a lot of kids steal toys and hit and push..but whose job is it to tell them it’s not okay?  He was making other kids cry and leave the exhibit and when he went to push Emily and she got scared I pointed at him and told him no…and he stopped.  It’s like..no one else wanted to say no to the kid or something?  Yeah, not my kid, not my responsibility, and me saying no to him once left zero impact I’m sure..but he didn’t scare my kid and she was still able to enjoy herself and he left her alone.  Sometimes these parents who preach "let them work it out themselves" and "these are life lessons" drive me batty.  These are one-year-olds who are trying to have fun and I’m not going to let a kid shove her to "learn a lesson" or think that it’s okay to shove people because he did.  That’s crap.

Sorry..I don’t know how I got off on that..lol.

When she’s older and can understand stuff better, I can see where that’s appropriate, but she most certainly isn’t learning anything by kids being rude.  She’ll learn there’s many rude people in this world soon enough.  My next kid is now sure to be a little terror..ha!

*steps off soapbox*

Anyways, everything is going pretty good!  My NT scan got moved to the 30th, so that will be nice.  I’m looking forward to an actual clear ultrasound.  And it will actually look like a baby instead of a blob! =)  We’re having the nanny watch Emily at home while we go to the appointment. I think Bryan will be able to enjoy it and hopefully bond with this baby a bit more that way.  I’m starting to think he’s going to have a case of gender disappointment with this one though.  I think he really wants a boy (I think most guys do

on some level) and if it’s not, he will be disappointed.  I know he’ll get over it, but it’s kind of sad.  And we’re doing a gender reveal cake too, so he’s going to have to put on a brave face for the video, lol.  Poor guy.  Yes, I think it’s a girl that strongly, lol.  Can you imagine the look on MY face if it’s a boy!? lol!  And don’t get me wrong, I would love to have a boy!  I have zero preference and would be sooo happy either way, and I’m not just saying that.  But since I feel like it’s a girl so strongly, and I only know what it’s like to have a girl and I can’t actually imagine having a boy, I will be shocked. This is going to be one suspensful reveal! =) Plus everyone I know who is pregnant (except for one reader on here) is having a girl.  It’s like it’s girl season! =P

The weather has been so crappy the last few days.  We went to Costco and the grocery store yesterday, but it’s pouring down rain again today and I can’t think of anything to do.  My poor baby is going to be stuck inside all day me thinks. She’s napping now but she’s cut it down to an hour and a half a day, so not too long.  I think by the time the new baby gets here she won’t be napping at all.  How fun *sarcasm*.  Bryan and I were just saying yesterday how we’re going to need an infant insert for our carrier because I think we’ll be carrying her/him a LOT more than we ever did Emily just out of necessity.  Shall be interesting!

All right, I’m going to actually lay down for a few minutes before my peanut gets up.

~Sheralyn