Gave myself a break.

So I took myself up on the offer to give myself a break yesterday and I’m so happy I did.  I wasn’t doing anything at work so I just told my boss around 11am I didn’t feel good and I was going home.  I got home a little before Emily’s nap so I got to see my baby, then when Bryan was putting her down I had a nice, gloriously long shower and got to shave and actually enjoy it.  Then I made myself some soup and crawled into bed.  The nanny came at her usual time so I didn’t have to look out for Emily waking up or having to feed her lunch and I slept almost 2 hours. I was a new person when I got up!  It was nice to not feel exhausted and when bedtime rolled around I knew I wasn’t going to burst into tears from being so tired and Emily not going to sleep. =)
 
Last night wasn’t much better as far as getting her to sleep, but both of our attitudes were better which really does make all the difference.  She didn’t cry when I wouldn’t let her move around, but she just found other ways to distract herself, like playing with my arm or chewing on her lovey. I eventually just let her roll around about an hour later because her holding still clearly wasn’t helping and she probably wasn’t able to get comfortable enough to fall asleep.
 
Back to the drawing board, I suppose.  I was thinking last night that if I could block off the end of the bed, that would ease pretty much all of my frustration.  When she’s moving around her main goal is to try and get to the bottom of the bed because that makes me pull her back up so she doesn’t fall off.  It’s just another game to her and it helps keep her awake.  The problem is it will have to be a big barrier and I can’t think of anything that would work.  I have a huge pile of blankets there now but of course she just climbs it.  If I can just block it off I can relax and not worry she’s going to hurt herself or fall off.  I can just lay there and maybe even fall asleep myself since the only way of her getting out would be crawling over me.  I think if I stop engaging her, ie, pulling her away from the bottom of the bed, trying to hold her in one spot, she’ll eventually realize nothing exciting or fun is going to happen and that when the light are out mommy is no longer playing a game but going to sleep.  We’ll see..it’s worth a try.
 
I’m in a good mood today with actually getting a little rest yesterday, but I still have the pregnancy exhaustion, that’s for sure.  I’m just so tired all the time!  I think I remember that with my two previous pregnancies, I was just able to sleep as long as I wanted then. =)
 
Emily is a great distraction though.  It’s free night at the children’s museum tomorrow so we’re going to that.  I wanted to get some apples too, so I think we’ll take a trip to Costco in a few hours here.  She loves just walking around stores and looking at stuff.  She is such a good girl. =)
 
My first appointment for this pregnancy is next Thursday.  It’s so weird that I haven’t been yet!  Every other pregnancy I was in a few times by now and had a few ultrasounds!  I am having a hard time emotionally connecting because of it I think.  I still feel like there’s nothing actually in there and that the first ultrasound won’t shock me if its not alive.  I want another child badly of course, but I think it might take a big belly and movement for me to believe this one is real.  And the appointment next week is only paperwork and bloodwork too!
 
All right, I’m going to head home to my beautiful baby now.  I’m sure she will fight sleep tonight but I’m not at the exhaustion level that I’ll get frustrated, so it will be fine.  So happy tomorrow is Friday

!!